I’ve had WAY too much wine to be writing anything right now. I think they call this drunk blogging. Yes. They do. This would be drunk blogging. I mostly know I’m drunk because my front tooth is THROBBING. It throbs when I drink wine — even just a little. You know, when I was preggers and didn’t want anyone to know I was preggers, it didn’t matter that I didn’t drink when I went out because I just had to REMIND everyone that I have that tooth thing that happens when I drink. And, that was that — everyone would be like “oh yeah, yeah, the tooth thing.” No, like, seriously, EVERYONE believed it was because of the tooth. It’s just fact here now around these parts. Haley-O has a funky-arse tooth. When she drinks wine, it throbs. Nothing funny about that.

I asked a doctor about it the other night at this dinner I was at, and he said it’s because the acid in the wine is irritating the area. I HAVE had 10+ surgeries in that area. Yes, I gave up counting after surgery #10. Why all the surgeries? Because my brother decided to throw a rock at my sister when we were kids. His aim was a little lacking. Just a little lacking. Ahem. Anyway, we call it “the gift that keeps on giving” because my struggle with this tooth has been unending.

Throb throb throb throb.

I so did not mean to ramble on about my tooth. I MEANT to ramble on about my cheaty little adventure out here in the country. But, now, I’m TRAY tired. IN a nutshell, Josh-O had to work all day today. I didn’t want to stay in the house with the kids all day. So, I got in the car WITH the two monkeys and just DROVE! I managed to find my way to two different little towns. COULDN’T find a Starbucks — wah…. Rephrase: REALIZED there are no Starbucks here. Just like THERE IS NO SPOON (Matrix). Same sort of thing. Spiritual and everything.

By the way? WAY too much wine? Is ONE GLASS. Just F to the YI.

So, we drove a lot, and I found us a grungy cute little dive cafe to have lunch at. We enjoyed grilled cheese sandwiches and chips and ice cream. I threw the diet to the wind and just enjoyed being a kid with my kids. It was A-MA-ZING. After lunch, we ventured off to the library, which ended up being cool historical spot — the library part of which was closed.

I got lost took the scenic route home.


…knows I’m a vegetarian….

…It was a three-hour-ish return drive. I took EVERY ROUTE imaginable to try to get home. The last imaginable route possible was the one. And, on the way…, Monkey got a MAYJAH nose bleed. Like, I HAVE NEVER! I told her she was making cool nose art (that’s the second time I’ve used “cool” in this post — Monkey must be rubbing off on me). Apparently, I’m supposed to rub some vaseline in her nose now and then to combat future ones. We’ll see how it goes. It was very X-Files. But, I’m proud that I remained unexpectably unexpectedly calm, cool (THIRD) and collected. It’s soooooooo the yoga. Thank HEAVENS for little yoga.

xo Haley-O

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