I SORT OF told myself I wouldn’t talk about this online. But, I’ve SORT OF changed my mind. Because it’s really not THAT personal, and I’m thinking I’m not alone in my misery. So, why not put it out there. So here goes.

Poop.

I hate it. It’s RUINING MY LIFE. Every day. Revolves around. POOP. ARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!

GLAM!

She just won’t do it. Won’t! She won’t poop on the toilet, and it’s driving me MENTAL. She’ll poop in her pants when she just. can’t. hold. it. in. anymore — after HOURS of grunting, of not wanting to do anything and of walking around like Daisy Duck….

…only with the back of her hand planted on her butt. Can you see it? Yeah. Uh huh.

I am NOT asking for advice because I’ve tried everything. This is both sad and maddening (in all senses of the word). It’s contributed to my “bad mood” and depression lately because our whole day revolves around poop: Monkey talking about needing to poop, or Monkey grunting because she’s trying to hold it in, or us ALL trekking up the stairs for the 40th time in one morning because she needs to go (but then won’t), or me cleaning poop off her legs, the floor, her clothes, ME. And, seriously, the poor thing….

It’s a total nightmare.

It’s a total challenge to good parenting.

…so, I do things like make restaurant-style breakfasts of homemade buckwheat pancakes with blueberry syrup for her. So she can feel extra loved…!

It’s kind of embarrassing. Not that I care what people think. But, I can’t help but think it reflects on my parenting and my inability to control and/or DE-ODORIZE my child.

So, I’ve taken away her underwear. She’s now wearing her brother’s diapers. She slept in her poopy diaper for an hour this afternoon, and then I bathed her and stuck on another diaper.

Sigh….

I went to my yoga class today, in a new studio (which was really my OLD studio, which, in turn, I abandoned when I became preggers and went insane, etc.), and it was heaven. I cried big bulbous tears. The past is behind me, I thought. I’m moving on….

In the class, I focused on me and me only, and the needs and functions of my own body. I “dropped” inside and let go. It seems to me I have a lot of letting go to do. I’m pretty sure it’s what I’m on this Earth to do right now — the poop plague as yet another challenge to that purpose…. Yes, I’m to learn to let go and, maybe ultimately, to share that letting go and inspire it. There are a LOT of knotted up peeps on this planet….

Now, six hours after that wonderful “body holiday” (as Vanda Scaravelli so perfectly described her yoga practice), I’m knotted up BEYOND with tension. I don’t know what to do or say that won’t scar her for life. But, then, I could just let it go. Put her in a diaper and let it go.

She’ll be in underwear by university.

I hope….

I’m teaching my first yoga class of the year tomorrow. Wish me luck! With stress like this, I NEED IT! But, I think, with stress like this, I’m my most empathetic and compassionate, and a better teacher for it. How’s that for a silver lining. Silver lining on a big stinky FUMY ball of monkey poop. (BRING ON THE WACKY GOOGLE HITS — yeah, I said BRING IT AWN!)

PARTY OVER AT GOODIES! We’re giving away a celebrity-child FAVOURITE that happens to be a brillers learning-to-write tool. CHECK IT! While you’re there, check all the funny silly comments! There are some HILARIOUS ones there already! Enjoy!