Welcome, Gorgeouses! WELCOME to the world of NO SLEEP. It’s right here, Baby. Right here.
And, it’s FABULOUS. Let me tell you. FABULOUS. I not only look SUPER HOTT, but I’m also SUPER PATIENT and all MOTHER-OF-THE-YEAR with my kids — especially the little Rascal with the 104° fever SOHELPMEGOD and all the wonderfully fragrant projectile barfing. LOVE!

Poor little guy….
So, I think it’s been around two weeks since I’ve had more than two consecutive hours of sleep. First it was because of the teething, and now it’s because of the teething and the “wild bug” (as Monkey frightfully calls it) he’s contracted.
And, it’s been two days of unrestrained anger.
Unrestrained anger. At the monkey (who LOVES it when Mama’s MAD, who loves MAKING Mama MAD), myself and the darn fruit flies that have invaded my house (ew!) and are freaking MATING in front of me.
Me. SWEET, earthy, verging-on-granola, yoga-teacher me? MAD MAD MAD. Blood-boiling MAD.
But, Gorgeouses, one thing yoga does — and is supposed to do when you practice regularly like moi — is make you aware of your emotions, reactions, and of what Pema Chödrön discusses at length in her writings, your shenpa (check that out, Gorgeouses, it’s fascinating).
I’m noticing anger, frustration, STRESS!
And, as yoga promises, when the problem is recognized, the solution surfaces as if magically….
And, there it was.
This afternoon, I was looking for books to sell on Amazon (because IRRITABLE MOI cannot TAKE the clutter everywhere). I was all set to sell my Secrets of the Baby Whisperer for Toddlers….

….As I was flipping through the pages to see what kind of “condition” it’s in for selling, this passage caught my eye:
When you feel your blood starting to boil, leave the room. Give yourself a time-out. Even if your child is wailing, put her into a crib or playpen to keep her safe and remove yourself for a few minutes. I often tell parents, “No child ever died of crying, but many have been scarred for life by chronically angry parents.” (p. 239)
Wow. I’d never read that passage before. And, there it was. Popped up out of nowhere exactly when I needed it. I didn’t take it anxiously as a warning that I’d better stop getting angry at THE CHILDREN THE CHILDREN! Rather, I was RELIEVED by it. I’m not the only parent out there who experiences enough anger to drive herself into her bedroom to beat the carp out of a pillow (I learned that technique for anger management in yoga teacher training. Hee! It’s awesome.)
I called two of my stay-at-home-mom besties to ask them about their “mommy anger.” They, too, find themselves getting ANGRY all the time. “It gets worse as they get older,” one of them told me….
This is a BIG THING for parents, Gorgeouses! BIG. YUGE! It’s especially big for parents who are at home all day with the children and, like me, have such little time for themselves — OR PERSONAL SPACE.
I wanted to find blogs about it. Because, I wanted to connect with other moms experiencing the same thing. And, because, Gorgeouses, IT IS SO NOT ME TO BE MAD LIKE THIS! ANGER is NOT MY MIDDLE NAME. No. My middle name’s Rachel, and I like it thankyouverymuch. NO ANGER or VOICE-RAISING FOR ME! Scary Voice will NOT usurp my own shiny happy people voice. NOoooOOOooo!
Then I realized I had a blog…. So, here it is. ANGER. We all got it. We ALL got it when things are OUTTA CONTROL (which is often when you’re on little-to-no sleep and in charge of two rambunctious toddlers).

Why does this room look different? Any guesses? NO CARPET! Carpet is GONE. I couldn’t stand it anymore…. And, now, I feel SO much better. Imagine that!?!
So, here’s a good tip for managing anger from Secrets of the Baby Whisperer for Toddlers:
Just as important as tuning in to your child’s moods is the knowledge of how you change when your child stamps her feet, says “no,” or has an out-and-out meltdown in public. I asked mothers how their bodies tell them they are about to lose it. If you don’t recognize yourself in any of the following, figure out what your physical anger cues are.
“I get hot all over.”
“I get hives.”
“I start to take it personally.”
“My heart beats faster.”
“it’s almost as if I stop breathing.”
“My chest starts heaving, and I breathe faster.”
“My palms sweat.”
“I start grinding my teeth.”
Yeah, it’s all about the recognition. The yoga…. It’s about becoming aware of what’s going on in your mind and consciously deciding to step outside it and change it.
Anger sucks. It leads to emotional eating for some of us (ahem), which, in turn, leads to depression for some of us (ahem YES YES YES lately!), to POOR ROLE MODEL for your children…. It’s all downhill. Fast.
But, I. I caught myself in the act. After two days of it. Pat on the back. I stopped myself dead in my tracks, as the roller coaster of anger was going down down down faster faster faster. Scrrreeeeeeeee.
LOOK, NO HANDS!
Stop. Breathe. Not me.
After reading that pivotal passage in The Baby Whisperer, I breathed that sigh of relief. I felt supported and at ease with myself — because it’s a common thing…. I’m not the only one. My energy lifted.
Now, when I find myself getting angry, I do this little on-the-spot meditation…. I see the anger: a red fiery ball in front of me, between the eyes. I breathe as I watch its flames wrestling, as it boils and pops; it’s like my own mini sun….

…It’s not me. I’m not it. And, then I let it go. In peace. It’s gone. I roll back my shoulders and take stock of the toddler situation. I sit down if I need to. I take a cold drink of water…. And, I’m better. I’m me again.
Gorgeouses, there’s so much anger in the world. We are one very angry species — us humans. So, here’s the thing. You and I, as yoga says, must do our part to emit peace and positivity into the world and, of course, to instill it in our children.
As individuals, moreover, we mustn’t let anger get the best of us. It’s too stressful, unproductive, unhealthy…. For we have the RIGHT, Gorgeouses, to live our lives as magically and purposefully as we all deserve, and to let our children see us for the dynamic wonderful people we truly are….
Peace in our minds. Peace in the world!
Love! xo Haley-O








Heather said on August 27th, 2008 at 12:31 am
Awesome post Haley Rachel!
Heathers last blog post..And Summer is Over.
creative-type dad said on August 27th, 2008 at 1:45 am
When I’m angry, usually KFC makes me feel better.
But that may just be me…
creative-type dads last blog post..All Of My Friends Are Having Babies, And They Already Have One
SciFi Dad said on August 27th, 2008 at 6:26 am
The parent time out is a good idea, and it works well for babies, but I wonder how effective it is with a preschooler like the monkey or my munchkin, who are perfectly capable of (and likely to) follow you.
As for fruit flies, what MTM does is put a piece of peeled banana (preferably already VERY ripe) into a bowl, seal it TIGHT with plastic wrap, and then poke a few holes in the wrap with a toothpick. It works as a fruit fly trap, and then once you catch a bunch (usually takes a few days) you can release them outside and then either reuse the trap or get new banana/wrap.
SciFi Dads last blog post..An Open Letter To All Mommies
Multi-tasking Mommy said on August 27th, 2008 at 6:44 am
Last week, I wrote a post about me yelling at the bunny for the first time–I felt like I was a different Mom in my own body!
http://circleoflifeblog.blogspot.com/2008/08/i-yelled-i-actually-yelled.html
You’re definitely not the only one!
And Mommy time outs are definitely a necessity sometimes. As I open my mouth when I feel frustrated, I try to gauge how angry I really am before I talk and if I feel myself close to that boiling point, I BREATHE first!!!! LOTS!!!
Multi-tasking Mommys last blog post..How Come?!?
Emma said on August 27th, 2008 at 8:25 am
Yeah. I seem to be needing a lot of timeouts lately myself…
Emmas last blog post..Piper is furminated
Teena in Toronto said on August 27th, 2008 at 8:41 am
Great post, Haley!
I don’t have kids, as you know. I have very little time as it is.
My Morgan loves me. He woke me up at 4:30 this morning licking my hair (I hate it when it does that!) and laying on my chest purring and purring and purring and purring! I finally had to get up and sleep on the couch for a couple hours to get away from him. I love him too … but not at 5:00 in the morning!
Teena in Torontos last blog post..Chillin’ Chicks supper
Maria said on August 27th, 2008 at 8:54 am
Thanks for this post! I have been feeling very angry lately & am feeling like I am definitely spiraling out of control!!! I need to take YOGA…I am so stressed with work right now, having a feisty, head strong 4 year old at home makes it all the more difficult. Just writing this brings tears to my eyes. I was such a calm & happy person before. Juggling a business & 2 small children is taking its toll on me! Must remember to take my time outs…
Chantal said on August 27th, 2008 at 9:41 am
What a great post. Thanks for being so candid Haley!
Chantals last blog post..Bloggy Love
ali said on August 27th, 2008 at 10:07 am
i do a lot of removing myself from situations so i don’t blow my shit. it totally works for me.
Jennie said on August 27th, 2008 at 10:17 am
I swear this works for fruit flies: a statue of Ganesha facing the door. If they’re coming in the back, put it there. Works with windows too. I used my doodle painting of him in the guest room when it was like the priest scene from Amityville Horror. Doesn’t matter what religion you are, Ganesha works. I like to think of him as just another name for the great being.
LAVENDULA said on August 27th, 2008 at 10:37 am
fruit flys argh! they drive me crazy.and i think they land on mirrors and reproduce themselves. plug your kitchen drains at night they reproduce in them and make sure the area is dry….boy do i need to start taking time outs. i am so hormonal lately. and stinkerbell is sooo cheeky.and too damn smart for almost 4. she winds me up something terrrible lately… wish i could find a magic cure to calm myself down right away with her.
MJ said on August 27th, 2008 at 10:55 am
Thank you for this post. It is so nice to know that we are not alone. I have been having anger issues again lately with my 4 year old. I had been doing so much better but they are back.
Goofball said on August 27th, 2008 at 11:53 am
spot on…but I don’t think I am capable of letting anger flow away so easily yet. It usually takes a bit of time for me to fade away…slowly.
Goofballs last blog post..Eneco tour
Lori said on August 27th, 2008 at 12:12 pm
I think I might be more angry at times, then I realize…I think I numb myself to this feeling of anger because I am so afraid of it and I work so hard at avoiding it. You definetly are not alone in feeling angry and I think it is pretty cool that you opened that book and found that passage about anger. It really does help when we realize that we are not alone in our feelings.
Since I started doing yoga I have begun to recognize this feeling more. On monday, I was really really upset and angry,so I wasn’t going to go to my yoga class but I went anyways. I am so glad that I did because of how much it helped me.
This was a great post Haley! Thanks for sharing with the rest of us.
Loris last blog post..My worst fears
LD said on August 27th, 2008 at 12:48 pm
Just to say … I can totally relate to this.
LDs last blog post..Organized
Kathryn said on August 27th, 2008 at 2:33 pm
I would LOVE a parent time out but they gang up on my, Haley! They. Gang. Up. On. Me. I am outnumbered! Bah!!!
I have recently come to realise that my temper has been getting out of control. And when I see one of my boys yelling at the other I know they got that behavior from me. I think everyone has the right to get angry, but it is how you deal with your anger. And clearly I could be doing better. And if I want my children to be better I need to be better.
I think I’ll try that fireball technique of yours.
Kathryns last blog post..Love
Tracey said on August 27th, 2008 at 4:37 pm
Amen sista.
Kristen said on August 27th, 2008 at 6:07 pm
Good for you for being so honest, we so need to hear that we are not alone, especially in our anger. We can get a handle on it, but it can be so overpowering at times, can’t it?
I sure hope your sweetie Rascal is feeling better today and that you get some sleep. Sometime really soon!
Kristens last blog post..Mixed Blessings
porter said on August 27th, 2008 at 6:13 pm
Great post (they all are but this one in particular). I appreciate when other mothers share their feelings because it’s important to know that I am not alone and that even Moms whom I feel are lovely (like you) feel the same way I do.
Don’t you feel guilty for even feeling this way???? That’s the second half of it. I am VERY tired myself these days and it’s so difficult to dig deep enough to have the patience and stamina to keep up with a five and three year old 24/7. But I LOVE them and thank goodness for that otherwise I would have quit ages ago!!
Renee said on August 27th, 2008 at 7:51 pm
know that as your kids get older your episodes of anger will be fewer and spaced much farther appart. However every once in a while the kids will pull a “doozy” that will make you swear that they want you to kill them! And then as quickly as it happened, it will pass again…until next time.
Renees last blog post..Tornado!
it'sgrandma said on August 27th, 2008 at 9:39 pm
Well written…good thoughts. I used to do tat very thing when youwere crying all the time..put into your crib and have my own moments in another room. oooxxxxx
Multi-tasking Mommy said on August 28th, 2008 at 7:23 am
P.S. I wrote a post today about fruit flies!
Multi-tasking Mommys last blog post..Fruit Flies: The SUPER Annoying Pests
Cathy Matsumoto said on August 29th, 2008 at 5:51 pm
Haley!!!
You are freaking me out!! I recently discovered Pema Chodron and her speech on “Shenpa”. This is what I’ve been working on also…”being aware of when I’m about to lose my temper patience…etc.! I got the cd “getting unstuck” and have been listening to it every night. I guess I should get into some yoga too. You are such a warrior!!! I think you are so great!!
Cathy
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