I thought they abolished slavery in North America a long time ago. Apparently not. Because I’m a slave. To my kids. That’s what I felt like today.

It creeps up on you — this slave thing. One minute you feel all in control and all present and conscious and harmonious, and then suddenly, you realize you’re not breathing, like, at all, and your head is spinning, and you’re picking up after EVERYONE and putting on their shoes and lifting them up on toilets at the MOST INOPPORTUNE TIMES, and wiping bums, and coming running at the sound of “MAMA COME!” Nice, huh?

And, then, after pushing double stroller all the way home from the park in the middle of a HAIL STORM (pellets the size of watch batteries, NO JOKE), you start to crumble. The calm(ish) exterior of kind, easy-going, compassion-teaching mother-earthness starts to disintegrate, and what’s left is chaos.

And, the SLAVE inevitably REBELS.

There’s only so much you can do to stay COMPOSED for your children…. Because they will KEEP TESTING YOU and TESTING YOU and TESTING YOU. Until you snap. This is probably why our children are some of our greatest teachers — bumping our egos all the live long day until we give in, shatter, crumble, fragment, LOSE it, ourselves, in the madness of life…. I REALLY (consciously!) try not to lose it. But, that’s just not always possible….

I never do this.

I sent her to her room, and I shut the door.

And, she screamed and screamed.

While I fed the Rascal (finally) on my bed.

I had to.

She was out of control.

I hated every second of it.

But, I breathed through it.

And, something (some REALLY distant subtle spineless voice) told me it was what I needed to do, even if it meant she had to suffer alone for a bit.

I put Rascal in his crib and returned to the hysterical monkey.

She was finally ready to listen.

To respect me.

And, my own harsh self-criticism — “you’re being a tyrant! how can you do this to her! you’re a terrible mother! so selfish!” — abated.

So, more walls came down.

I stroked her hair. She smiled and told me she loved me. She listened.

We enjoyed some beautiful, calming music together, and she fell asleep at my side….

As the Rascal wailed.

It’s never ending. The constant tests, challenges, obstacles to every-day peace and happiness when you’re a mom to two VERY little monkeys (and I KNOW it’s the same in all areas of life — relationships! work! school!). Some days are great, and everything just jives. But, other days, like today (and yesterday…ahem), are just hellish, but perhaps the most spiritually rewarding and awakening, if your eyes are open to the lessons.

When things get too crazy, though, you must remember to do as I do…. And, JUST DANCE…. C’mon, Gorgeouses, it’s the WEEKEND! Get up get up! Be free! JUST DANCE….


(”Just Dance” REMIX — Lady Gaga, ft. Akon and Colby O’Donis)

Off to a cottage with my extended fam for some much-needed REST and RELAXATION! I’ll blog when I can. But, I want (NEED) the time to regroup and replenish the bloggy juices! We’ll see how it goes. In any case, LOVE LOVE LOVE! xoxo Haley-O