I thought they abolished slavery in North America a long time ago. Apparently not. Because I’m a slave. To my kids. That’s what I felt like today.
It creeps up on you — this slave thing. One minute you feel all in control and all present and conscious and harmonious, and then suddenly, you realize you’re not breathing, like, at all, and your head is spinning, and you’re picking up after EVERYONE and putting on their shoes and lifting them up on toilets at the MOST INOPPORTUNE TIMES, and wiping bums, and coming running at the sound of “MAMA COME!” Nice, huh?
And, then, after pushing double stroller all the way home from the park in the middle of a HAIL STORM (pellets the size of watch batteries, NO JOKE), you start to crumble. The calm(ish) exterior of kind, easy-going, compassion-teaching mother-earthness starts to disintegrate, and what’s left is chaos.
And, the SLAVE inevitably REBELS.
There’s only so much you can do to stay COMPOSED for your children…. Because they will KEEP TESTING YOU and TESTING YOU and TESTING YOU. Until you snap. This is probably why our children are some of our greatest teachers — bumping our egos all the live long day until we give in, shatter, crumble, fragment, LOSE it, ourselves, in the madness of life…. I REALLY (consciously!) try not to lose it. But, that’s just not always possible….
I never do this.
I sent her to her room, and I shut the door.
And, she screamed and screamed.
While I fed the Rascal (finally) on my bed.
I had to.
She was out of control.
I hated every second of it.
But, I breathed through it.
And, something (some REALLY distant subtle spineless voice) told me it was what I needed to do, even if it meant she had to suffer alone for a bit.
I put Rascal in his crib and returned to the hysterical monkey.
She was finally ready to listen.
To respect me.
And, my own harsh self-criticism — “you’re being a tyrant! how can you do this to her! you’re a terrible mother! so selfish!” — abated.
So, more walls came down.
I stroked her hair. She smiled and told me she loved me. She listened.
We enjoyed some beautiful, calming music together, and she fell asleep at my side….
As the Rascal wailed.
It’s never ending. The constant tests, challenges, obstacles to every-day peace and happiness when you’re a mom to two VERY little monkeys (and I KNOW it’s the same in all areas of life — relationships! work! school!). Some days are great, and everything just jives. But, other days, like today (and yesterday…ahem), are just hellish, but perhaps the most spiritually rewarding and awakening, if your eyes are open to the lessons.
When things get too crazy, though, you must remember to do as I do…. And, JUST DANCE…. C’mon, Gorgeouses, it’s the WEEKEND! Get up get up! Be free! JUST DANCE….
(”Just Dance” REMIX — Lady Gaga, ft. Akon and Colby O’Donis)
Off to a cottage with my extended fam for some much-needed REST and RELAXATION! I’ll blog when I can. But, I want (NEED) the time to regroup and replenish the bloggy juices! We’ll see how it goes. In any case, LOVE LOVE LOVE! xoxo Haley-O








Renee said on August 15th, 2008 at 12:29 am
I love that DD is now old enough for me to be able to just look at her when she’s being unreasonable. Sometimes she smiles and says sorry. Sometimes she rolls her eyes at me…but not too often cuz those days turn into bad ones for her.
Renees last blog post..Tennis Anyone?
Teena in Toronto said on August 15th, 2008 at 1:03 am
This phase with the Monkey will soon change. That’s great that she listened. You were right in letting her wail it out on her own first rather than running to her.
Enjoy your time away!
Teena in Torontos last blog post..Book ~ "Born Standing Up: A Comic’s Life" (2007) Steve Martin
SciFi Dad said on August 15th, 2008 at 7:37 am
As much as it hurt you, try and find some solace in the fact that she won’t remember it as badly as you do. It needed to be done (from the sounds of it), and by nipping this in the bud, you’re setting yourself up to be a better Mommy to her from here on out.
ali said on August 15th, 2008 at 8:47 am
hales..children NEED boundaries. they NEED to know that you are the parent. there is NOTHING wrong with what you did. i know you feel crappy about it, but don’t. she doesn’t!
alis last blog post..The Boots is three
Sarah said on August 15th, 2008 at 9:22 am
oh my goodness, ditto to what Ali said and also keep it up. Because at seven they do not always smile and say they love you after a disagreement .. so enjoy this age of giving boundaries, it WILL help you down the road.
Enjoy your break, and take a real break away from your blogging, if it were me I’d leave my computer at home ….
Lori said on August 15th, 2008 at 10:15 am
The endless days and the work your putting in now will pay off down the road. When we are up close and personal it isan’t as easy to see the “big” picture. These are the days full of teachable moments and it is exhausting…believe me it is well worth it and pay day is coming!
Loris last blog post..Through the eyes of grace
LAVENDULA said on August 15th, 2008 at 10:45 am
Haley enjoy your week? at the cottage.and you know monkey will be fine.sometimes they need to know that they can’t just behave in certain way without having consequences.so don’t feel bad monkey has probably already forgotten about it.and the next time she will think before acting,well as much as a 3 year old can.xo
Melissa said on August 15th, 2008 at 11:36 am
I’m afraid I will end up dancing tonight. The comedy club we are going to is on the second floor of a dance club. I may just have to shake it with the young ‘uns.
Catty Gramma Teri said on August 15th, 2008 at 12:02 pm
During the years of child rearing, I came across some great bits of advice. Short little bits. I’m going to give you one now that was given to me.
When your children want something, they come to you, you don’t go to them.
This is an easy trap to fall into, since when they are babies, clearly we must go to them when they have a need. But once they become mobile and verbal, they need to be trained that yelling for mommy or demanding that mommy come here is not going to be the standard. You come here and tell mommy what you need. Also, that way if they do wind up screaming bloody murder, you can more easily assess whether it’s an emergency or not, as opposed to them just really really really really wanting mommy NOW!
I remember one time, my kids were playing outside, and my daughter came to the door and was just screaming at the top of her lungs. When I got to the door, I said, “Someone had better be bleeding!”
Catty Gramma Teris last blog post..Nice Guys Finish Last?
Junction Mama said on August 15th, 2008 at 12:41 pm
wow, haley, it might hurt to set boundaries, but like everyone else said, you need to do it every once in a while, it’s an inescapable reality when you’re a parent, especially a mommy.
have a great time at the cottage!
Junction Mamas last blog post..A movie everyone should watch
sam {temptingmama} said on August 15th, 2008 at 3:15 pm
It seems a bunch of us have children in the same age group and we’re all facing the shit storm together!
Tyrant is the best word for their attitudes!!!
Kathryn said on August 15th, 2008 at 3:53 pm
Lord help me I’ve been snapping at my boys far to often lately. Ugh. SERENITY NOW!
Have a great and relaxing weekend!
Kathryns last blog post..PSF- Healing Waters
Cyndi said on August 15th, 2008 at 4:24 pm
It is better to let them get some of their emotions out on their own sometimes rather than try to reason with them. At our house, at least, it always seems to end with a fit and me loosing my temper. I hope you are all able to relax and enjoy each other over the weekend.
Cyndis last blog post..
Dianna said on August 15th, 2008 at 8:07 pm
Haley, you are not a bad parent by any means. All choldren need a limit and from what you write, she far exceeds hers. It’s good for her to know where she stands AND if she learns that now, it will be an example for the Rascal to know what he can get away with. I’m really glad for you that you gave her a time out so that she can realize she can’t upset you that much anymore. Hope the country is treating you well!
Goofball said on August 17th, 2008 at 10:48 am
Setting boundaries and demanding to respect them does not make you a bad mother! On the contrary, not doing so is not beneficial to your children in the long run
Goofballs last blog post..Hawaiian pictures
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