Hmmm…. “Why do I do this,” I ask myself. Why blog? What do I REALLY want to get out of this thing that takes up SO MU-HU-HU-HUCH of my time and energy?

I know what it USED to be….

It used to be about the fame (OH SHUTIT! I was NAIVE! Look at Heather B. Armstrong of Dooce MEGAFAME, though, she did it!), and making a little extra money (umm, LITTLE would be the operative word there…), and the COMMENTS, OHHHH, the COMMENTS! Love….

But, maybe it’s the yoga lately, I don’t know. Things are just…different. And, I think that’s obvious in my recent posts. I’ve been taking stock a lot lately — not content with the racing racing racing toward undefined goals every garsh-dang day. Keeping up with emails and comments and SO MANY BLOGS TO READ. And, then I place my feet on the ground, on the yoga mat, and I realize: where the frick have I been? I’m just going going going going going. Like the energizer bunny. But, what I think I want is not what I want.

What the FRICK, for example, would I DO with a hundred comments a day — when I can barely keep up with 20? My email inbox is FILLED to the brim with unanswered comments from gorj readers and gorj fellow bloggers whose blogs I should really go visit to return a comment. I mean, it’s the right thing to do! And, the only thing better than GETTING a comment is GIVING a comment to show you care…. But, who has the time?

I thought I wanted 100 comments a day. I thought I wanted to be recognized on the street for my little ramblings. I thought I wanted to go to Blogher with all the other popular (and so many truly brillers) bloggers out there and party it up and see and be seen.

But, I found myself enjoying the quiet when everyone was at the conference. I didn’t need to be there. I was content being alone in the blogosphere for the weekend…. (Maybe it was because I was sick as a DAWG, though….) I LOVED looking at the pictures that rolled in and hearing ALL about it because these are some of the most interesting and colourful women in the world! But, I didn’t need to be there….

No. I used to blog for all those reasons…. But, now, not so much.

Now, I’m realizing after much thought, I do this for the love of writing, for the handful of people that I’m really touching with my words (or so they tell me — THANK YOU!). I do it to entertain and delight and share, and inspire, and gossip, and give back, and just to write.

Because that’s WHO I AM. Compelled to write.

My blog. Is a COMPULSION.

Anyway, there are a bunch of things I want to do in this life. If I spend all my time trying to be a famous blogger, I won’t get to do those other things. Like the yoga. I want to do another teacher training program some time soon — so I can really immerse myself in the yoga again, read new books, learn new teaching techniques. And, like painting. I’d love to put my own art up at Kids Deserve Art, too….

So, I’ve decided to relax and accept. Accept that this is my blog. This is how I like it. It doesn’t need to be any bigger or better than it is.

Likewise, this is my body. This is how I like it. It doesn’t need to be any smaller or better than it is.

These are my kids. This is my husband. These are my friends. This is my house. These are my cats. I love it all.

This blog is going through an evolution of sorts, I think. And, I like it. It’s more “authentic” than it’s ever been. And, I’m finding that’s all I need from it. Not the fame, the glory…. Nope. Just the being real. We need more of that on this planet….

Thank you so much for reading my blog, Gorgeouses! For enriching my days with your sweet comments and emails, and for being your authentic and cheaty little gorgeous selves.

LOVE!

xo Haley-O

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