Is there anyone out there who can do it all, all the time? Half the time? A third of the time? Because sometimes it’s just impossible.

Today was a BRUTAL day. It was one of those days where I totally lost myself. I spent the ENTIRE day just trying to get by. And, before I go on, let’s just say the LOVELY people at Mastermind will probably NEVER approach me again. Word to the wise, though, if you work at a toy store? Approach mothers with two scrambling kids WITH CAUTION. Especially when her children have FINALLY%$#@%#$ settled and she’s sitting on kiddie stool with hunched back enjoying KALEIDOSCOPE….


Dang it, I should have bought it! But, I don’t spend my money on toys FOR ME….


WOAAAHHHHH…. Love…. Drrrrrr…..

The chaos started first thing this morning — with the cookie disaster. And, it continued until Josh came home late this aft, when my kvetching little monkey turned as if with the flick of a wand into an innocent little princess. Yes, just in time for Josh to wonder why there was any issue at all today and what ON EARTH could be so hard and hair-pulling-out about taking care of two little ANGELS?

Have I mentioned that the little Rascal has FINALLY cut a tooth? Just…today? No wonder?

ANYWAY. Today’s brutalness was part their fault and part mine. I didn’t get much sleep last night. AND, I started my day with a totally not-nutritious breakfast (WHICH included a soy chai latte, OF course). I just had no patience and was totally irritable all day. It wasn’t until lunch — which, bless my brillers routinizing, was at 2:45 — that I started to feel better. And, I’m CONVINCED it was because I had this CRAZY veggie wrap from Noah’s Natural Foods (fave organic food store). It’s, like, the MINUTE I bit into the crunchy carrots, the smoooooooth avocado, crisp lettuce, DIVINE, my body thanked me for it. Aaaaaahhhhh. After that, and with Josh-O’s help, of course, I felt much more relaxed and in control.

Hey, by the way? Did you know I have a “scary voice”? It comes out when I’ve HAD IT with the monkey. Like, when we’re really late, and the Rascal’s been crying and I can’t find my keys and one of the cats barfed and I just stepped on a toy car, etc., etc., and she decides to run AWAY from me instead of TO me when I call her. It sounds like this: “RAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWRRRRRRRR!”

I’m serious. I literally ROAR “COME HERE NOW.” It’s wild. Really wild. I’m like Simba from The Lion King. I’ve found my ROAR!

I think it comes from the yoga (and utter motherly desperation). I can project my voice right from the diaphragm. It’s like my SOUL is speaking. I’m telling you, you can SEE it in the air even; like, the air IT RIPPLES. Scary voice can MOVE things.

Whenever I use the scary voice, the monkey comes running.

After a day of several “scary voice”-worthy incidents, I realized something. I don’t actually have to use the scary voice. I can just THREATEN it! Check it:

ME: Monkey, can you please give me back the washcloth? Rascal needs it.
MONKEY: No Mama.
ME: I can’t leave the washroom because Rascal’s in the tub. If you won’t give me the washcloth, can you please get mama another one?
MONKEY: No Mama.
ME: Do you want me to use my scary voice?
MONKEY: NO MAMA NOOOO! I go get it!
ME: Thank you, Monkey! Good job.

Heeee! I’m loving it…. And, now. I’m going to bed. Donning new lavender silk eye pillow…. Because sleep is EVERYTHING. Yes, I’ve finally realized that….

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