We’re not going to talk about how perpetually disappointed I am in myself to a point where it’s SICKENING already. ‘Cuz, you know, the more you practice yoga and self-study, etc., the more you become aware of your thought patterns — particularly the negative ones, ones like “I’m so fat” (one of our most popular items), “I’m so tired” and “why’d I eat that?” Welcome to my internal workings! Now THAT’s not too personal or anything. But, you know I’m battling my serious pregnancy weight. And, the more I battle, the harder the battle gets, and the more self-destructive my thoughts become as I lose the battle lose the battle lose the battle again. (And, we better get off this discussion because we don’t want a pity party in the comment section…. HOLLAAHHHH!)
But, but, BUT, the first step to feeling better and becoming a better person (and, in turn, a better mommy — because it’s so much about that) is BECOMING AWARE of the negative thought patterns. Because once you become aware of said patterns, you can start doing something about them. (AS Rascal sits here chewing on a cord, bless his lil heart he loves those cords, and my pinkberry case…, and Mum-Mums…thank GOD for MUM-MUMS!…and cords).
Sprinkled among the NEGATIVE THOUGHTS against which I battled, battled, battled this weekend were SUCH moments of peace and of joy and GENUINE GLEE (oooo, good word!)…. So, let’s focus on those, shall we?
Minden on my bed in his RIDICULOUS pose….

…Eeeeeeeeee! Oh, HILARITY, THY NAME IS MINDEN-IN-THIS-POSE!
Rascal enjoying the sling at the giant book store (can you tell I love the giant bookstore?)….

Monkey riding her l’il princess bike….

Monkey SWIMMING….

…and making new friends….

I just sat there, in yoga lotus pose (i.e., cross-legged), watching the monkey splash about and listening to an independent artist someone recommended to me, which added a surreal aspect to this adorable day. It was pretty wild, actually…. Amazing how music can, like, season your day — spice it, sweeten it up, intensify it?
My blissful state of tranquility was, of course, interrupted by “MOMMA, I HAVTA PEE!” and a trip to a disgusting park washroom YECH!
In the space of a minute, my day went from totally tranquil to totally SH*T!
It wasn’t so bad. When we returned to the pool, I kept the earphones off because monkey was playing with some older girls and I wanted to hear EVERYTHING (’cuz it’s so freaking hilarious). For some reason, she kept saying “It’s up to me and you!” OVER AND OVER AGAIN! I have NO idea where that came from. The BEST, though, was when she ran up to me and said:
“I’m playing with my friends, Momma! I belong with them!”
How bizarre and brillers is that?! (As monkey would say,) I LLLLLLLLOVE IT!
So, it was a great weekend. A lot to be thankful for. Like a body. A HEALTHY body. I may not LOVE what it looks like right now (used as I am to a MUCH smaller frame), but it’s what I’ve got. And, GARSH DANGIT, I’m thankful.
Changing the thought patterns, one thought at a time…. LAAAAA!
Also, am SO THANKFUL for NEW BRAS! A WAIST! I have a WAIST!








Susan Helene Gottfried said on June 29th, 2008 at 10:26 pm
Keep clinging to the good stuff, Haley. You’ll find more of it around every corner. I mean, is that a diaper-less Monkey in her swimsuit???? Victory, babe. Victory.
Good begets good. I believe that.
Susan Helene Gottfrieds last blog post..Fiction Outtake: Foot Pedals (the Early Days)
Teena in Toronto said on June 29th, 2008 at 10:31 pm
Ya gotta get rid of the negative thoughts! Am I happy about the extra 25 pounds I’m carrying around? No! But I’m alive and healthy and happy. I have so much to be thankful for and so do you!
Teena in Torontos last blog post..Book ~ "Con Ed" (2007) Matthew Klein
kirsten said on June 29th, 2008 at 11:46 pm
Girl, I think that it is the dieting mentality itself that creates and fosters attitudes of inadequacy and negativity towards our bodies. I don’t want to force my ideas on you, I can only share with you my experience and hope that it might inspire you…..
By getting out of the diet mentality where I obsessed and fretted and punished myself I started eating intuitively. I realized that by simply slowing down, tasting my food, stopping when I am full and eating food that will nourish my body when I am truly hungry I have erased the guilt and have begun healing my heart and mind by listening carefully to my body and respecting and loving myself. Also? I have lost 30 lbs. It is not a quick fix, but rather a new way of loving myself and being in tune with my body.
kirstens last blog post..My Bad
Tena said on June 30th, 2008 at 12:09 am
Hang in there, hold on to the good moments, let them take over the bad! Rascal has a lot of hair now, or so it seems in the picture of him in the sling!
Lori said on June 30th, 2008 at 12:13 am
It can be so easy to slip into negativity or what I like to call “stinkin thinkin”…when I find myself caught up it this mindset, I tell myself, you have however many minutes, such as 5 minutes, to party it up at this pity party or stinkin thinkin and then your done…when the time is up, I try to envision a stop sign. Then I make myself list 5 things that are great or positive…then if it is at all possible I change whatever activity I was doing to something that makes me feel good such as being silly with my little people or calling a friend.
Great pictures by the way!
Loris last blog post..Very much alive
Yvie said on June 30th, 2008 at 2:19 am
I love your pictures and I especially love the one where your baby goes upside down to look at you.
Yvies last blog post..It’s a Date @ Cafe by the Ruins
ali said on June 30th, 2008 at 8:42 am
wait…what? you don’t listen to indie music??!?!?!?!?!?

alis last blog post..ali likes sports AND eats a hot dog. it was legen…wait for it…dary.
Renee said on June 30th, 2008 at 10:30 am
you need some positives! I think you need to write down 5 positive things about yourself every day. I think that focusing on having to come up with 5 positive things each day will help you stop being so obsessed with the negative and eventually those negative things will go away.
good luck. I’m challenging you to do this Haley…can you do it?
Renees last blog post..Answering my fan mail.
LAVENDULA said on June 30th, 2008 at 11:15 am
Haley you are one of the best people i know…because you are a great mum.kind funny and you inspire me to be better.you are positive.love monkey looking at you upside down.and stinkerbell told me that mindens other foot must have walked away in his pic hahaha!rascal is so adorable!
Helen said on June 30th, 2008 at 2:12 pm
It’s the whole catch 22…you can’t do anything about yourself until you start to think positive about yourself!
Totally agree with you on the park washrooms thing! YUCK! My son is four and we still carry a potty around in the trunk!
Helens last blog post..This just in…
Cyndi said on June 30th, 2008 at 3:11 pm
I thought of you at the park the other day when my darling daughter called me big mama. In front of my friends. What!?
Anyway, just keep up the good, positive thoughts. You are God’s beautiful creation.
Cyndis last blog post..Get Smart
Beck said on June 30th, 2008 at 7:49 pm
You’re so obviously such a darling person that it’s really hard to hear about you hating on yourself. But I do understand - a few years ago, I was just disgusted with myself for my weight and spent almost all my time walking around just LOATHING myself. And then I got sick and nearly died and I realized afterwards that I hadn’t thought for one minute “DAMMIT! I AM DYING FAT!”. I was just heartbroken that I was leaving my husband and beyond heartbroken that I was leaving my babies. SO now everyday, when I start thinking “I am so fat. I suck.” I make myself remember how endlessly blessed I am to be here, even kind of chubby.
Becks last blog post..GEEEEEEEEZ
mel said on June 30th, 2008 at 9:18 pm
…uma have yah tried ’skinny cow’…its not bad really. Made by Chapmans (Icecream)…Im not a fan of low fat, sweetners etc. but this stuff is AMAZINGlY good! The more you think about what you CANNOT have the more yah want. THINK about all the things that you can have.
mel said on June 30th, 2008 at 9:19 pm
OH, minden’s got it RIGHT…what a puddy ‘tat
SciFi Dad said on June 30th, 2008 at 10:54 pm
That’s so awesome that the monkey is so confident and comfortable.
And, I can’t get over how blonde the rascal is!
SciFi Dads last blog post..Vacations
Jill said on July 2nd, 2008 at 10:33 am
I hate it when you talk like that!
Take it like that:you are healtly, you are more in shape than most of the people(I cannot do the slit like the picture in the post above even if I consider myself flexible!)
And you doing stuff right because the monkey is confident and all!
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