I have been having a HAAAARD time lately. I’ve been really run down and anxious. My heart’s been pounding as if I’m on the verge of a panic attack. Sort of like I felt 24/7 when I was preggers. But, not that bad, THANK GOD. So, I’ve been trying to take it easy. Trying to get to bed no later than 11:30pm — which is a totally foreign concept for me. And, just this morning, I woke up at, ohhhhhhh, 11:30am!

Josh-O took the monkey to school, and it’sgrandma took her for lunch. I just lay in bed with the Rascal — feeding him now and then, putting him in his crib to play for a bit, and, then, finally, coercing him to sleep beside me. It was bliss. I felt completely rejuvenated.

…That is…, until now…, as monkey sits here SQUEEZING the carp out of my neck (”neck cuddling”), and Rascal SCREEEEAMS OUT for my attention. I mean, helllooooo!? Mommy deserves needs AT LEAST five minutes to herself during the day, no? Just a wee bit? No? Well, I think she does. I freaking think she does.

Yes, I think it’s time mommy had a little time to herself to do WORK on the biz, on the blog, to catch up on emails, or maybe to eat something, enjoy a cup of tea, read a little somethin’, cuddle for a bit with a little somethin’….

….And, if my sweet little Rascal doesn’t want to take a SINGLE FAREAKING NAP ALL DAY, that’s his prerogative. But, MOMMY’S gonna take her me-time — i.e., time that’s RIGHTFULLY, NECESSARILY HERS.

Because I’m no good to anyone if I’m run down and anxious and overtired and STARVING and straggly (must. get. haircut). I’m no good to anyone if I’m ALL MONKEYS ALL THE TIME. My monkeys deserve better. They deserve BEST. The best me.

So, from now on, Rascal’s napping, and Monkey’s playing on her own for at least a little while in the afternoon. And that’s that. Heh. I KNOW easier-said-than-done because HAVE SAID THIS BEFORE! But, this time, I mean BUSINESS!

If the anti-mommy-bloggers want to criticize me for blogging when I should be playing on the carpet every minute of the day with my kids…? See this? SUCK IT! It’s GOOD for kids to see their mommies at work, doing something FOR THEMSELVES. It’s good for kids to play independently for a while — especially after HOURS of being entertained. HOURS, I TELL YOU! I DESERVE a lunch break, a sick day, a coffee break. Yes, I do. And, I need it. I need it JUST AS MUCH as Mr. Joe Larry twiddling his thumbs in his cubicle all day needs his.

Yes, I’ve come to realize the work, the “me-time,” cannot wait ’til 9:30pm, when both monkeys decide to close their eyes for 2 hours the night. Because it’s making me crazy. I’m a WORK-AT-HOME MOM. That should not mean working ’til 3am or even 4am 2am every day…. Alas, this daily, nightly, grind IS KILLING ME! My kids are happy, HAPPY HAPPY. But, me? Not so much. No, something’s wrong with this picture.

Beyond the sheer exhaustion, moreover, I’m a human being in my own right, with a path and goals that should to be nourished and honoured, and this is a fundamental PART of being a good mother…. For part of being a good mother is SETTING A GOOD EXAMPLE.

My parents have noticed that I’ve been in this funk lately. They’ve noticed I’m run down and a little, dare I say…, depressed. DEPRESSED! So, the other night, when they went to the ballet — which I was SUPPOSED to go to, but, ALAS, I felt unready to leave Rascal for the whole evening — to see MY VERY FAVOURITE National Ballet of Canada Production, Cinderella, they decided to do something special for me…. They got me a GIFTY! Check it:

How pretty is that? A little box with a “slipper” covered in Swarovski crystals. So…PRETTY! SPARKLY (mama LOVES the SPARKLY). And, so out-of-nowhere. How SPECIAL I felt that they would do something so nice for ME (who?), out of nowhere. I mean, they do plenty of nice things for me (WHO?) — like taking care of the monkey…a lot! But, a special, unusual gift like this…FOR ME (WHO!!??).

It was a little gesture that brought me back to myself. Reminded me that I mattered. It can’t JUST be about the kids anymore. I matter. And, I need to matter to myself. My kids need to see me matter to myself.

And, look, Gorgeouses — they’re doing FINE on their own FOR FIVE MINUTES….

Oh, she wants to show you her “CALLERPILLAR”….

As part of infusing me-time into my day, I’d like to do more things that the kids and I can ALL enjoy together and that nourish ALL our spirits. Tomorrow, for example, we’re ALL going to make a collage….

And, by the way, you, Gorgeouses! You matter! Let’s all do something nice for ourselves and/or somebody else who needs “mattering”! Thank you…. LOVE. xo Haley-O