I come home from the appointment with head down, back hunched, toes dragging on the wet grass and up the wood steps to back door. I open the door to find Josh: “shhh, he’s actually sleeping.” “Good, I say, because I’m a terrible mother.”

See, brillers BRAND NEW NUTRITIONIST (LOVE!) says I need to CHANGE MY EATING WAYS before I become OBESE, develop diabetes and, eek, create bad eating habits among my innocent little fledglings. MONKEY LOVES HER SOME SUGAH!

Before you hit the comment button to tell me I’m being RIDICULOUS (again) and all crazy-intense (again) and hard on myself (again) and self-critical (again) — you know me so well — and HELLOOOO NURSING STILL?…. I know. I’m being anxious and ridiculous, and Nutritionist didn’t really mean to trigger the tumbling-down of my fragile emotional infrastructure when she told me the errors of my eating ways. But, just, like, WAAAAHHHH! I don’t WANT to quit my Starbucks soy/nonfat no-water chai-tea latte (mmmm Staaaar-buuuucks), and WAAAAHHH! I HATE PROTEIN! And, WAAAAHHH! Was that scale right? And, WAAHHH! Monkey LIVES ON CARBS! And, WAAAAHHH! I need to lose this wei-hei-hei-height!

Perpetual smile (seriously I smile perpetually…am one of those smiley people) darkens into frown as Nutritionist hands me my plan.

It’s an excellent plan, and it’s sure to work. ALL my friends are THUPER enthusiastic about it because they’ve lost so much weight and feel totally satisfied. But, I’m completely carb-addicted. I’m like the Amy Winehouse of SUGAR and BAD CARBS. They’re my drug of choice. And kitties….

…and Rascal’s wee baby feet….

Seriously, though, as much as I’m being a big MAAMA baby about going on a real diet with a real HOLISTIC NUTRITIONIST kicking my arse, IT’S REALLY FREAKING NECESSARY.

As someone who’s pretty-much vegetarian, obsessed with buying organic foods to support environmentally-friendly small farmers, afraid of too much dairy, afraid of too much soy……….. I need help. And, I need it now before my anxieties about food get the better of me and ALL I eat are Starbucks nonfat/soy no-water chai-tea lattes (mmmmm, Staaaar-buuuucks) and I start to really hate myself.

In my yoga classes, I’ve been teaching my students a lot about balance. Balancing poses aren’t only about balance ON THE MAT, I tell them, but also balance OFF THE MAT…. The “tree pose,” for example, is both a mirror of your state of balance (emotional, physiological, etc.), and a tool for achieving it….


Illlustration c/o Hip Tranquil Chick.

Balancing my diet is an important first step toward achieving balance off the mat. And, balancing my diet involves balancing the body “chemistry” (to quote Nutritionist) by eating the proper balance of protein, carbohydrates and fats. Fun….

It’s not a diet, then. It’s yoga. Moderation. Responsibility. Healthy.

I have 40 pounds (ugh!) of pregnancy poundage to lose starting today. I will keep you posted on my progress, meal plans, recipes, etc., on CHEATY KITCHEN when I have more deets. For now, I’m just supposed to eat a “balanced” breakfast (in other words, NO CHAI) within an hour after waking up. I think I’ll have this (as recommended by Nutritionist):

1 pc Ezekiel bread
1 egg (scrambled)
1 oz low-fat cheese
1 apple or orange
green tea

Blech.

Wish me luck! And, please JOIN ME on my journey from FRUMP to FABULOUS! If Gwyneth Paltrow can do it, so can I! …Heh.

P.S.: Hey, Gorgeouses! If you want the picture of your choice beside your comment (instead of our cutie little monkey), please go to GRAVATAR.COM, sign up, and your picture will appear beside your comments — not just on my blogs, but on most of the blogs out there. LOVE….

P.P.S.: Have you entered the car-seat contest at Cheaty Goodies, yet?

P.P.P.S.: I’m getting a lot of questions about how you know if/when I update all of the other sites. Just so you know, Cheaty Monkey and Gossip are updated regularly, as always. For the other sites, you may want to scroll down to the bottom of the page to see lists of the most recent posts at each site. I will post at least 2-3 times weekly at Kitchen and Recommends, and when contests are announced or winners revealed at Goodies. Thanks for asking!

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