There’s a white page in front of me. Blue around the borders. I’m supposed to fill it up with stuff that entertains….

So, I’m not going to talk about my children today. Because all of my ranting about how BRUTAL potty-training is and how demanding the rascal is at all hours of the night is, frankly, getting redundant. Besides, after today’s events, I’m pretty-much blank, on automatic pilot. Monkey pees on floor: go. get. cloth. clean. up. pee. beeeeeeeeep. Rascal screams without warning: pick. him. up. whip. out. boo. bee. beeeeeeeeeeeep. Make. din. ner. Beeeeeeeeep. Bathe. Ras. cal. Beeeeeeeeeep.

Tick tock tick tock tick tock KABOOOOOOM! (That was me exploding. Am still picking up pieces of self.)

Craving syrup. Beeeeeeep.

Monkey: "Is this Amergan Idoh, Mama?"
Awwwwww…..

Go. to. bed. Beeeeeeeep. Okay. one. more. song. Beeeeeeep. You. can. watch. Ar. chu. le. ta. Beeeeeeeeeeep. (Is only fair, since Rascal is sitting. on. my. lap. Beeeeeeep. WHILE post-exploded self types words on white screen. BUUURRRP (that was the Rascal, not me. I don’t burp. Because I don’t really exist.)

I exploded sometime this afternoon. Actually, some time after I taught yoga this morning….

Yes, I taught some beautiful people about yoga, and we practiced our asanas, pranayama, and meditation, like good yogis. I taught them about how yoga teaches us to respond to stressful situations, rather than to react. Take a crying baby in the wee hours of the night, for instance: yoga teaches us to respond by breathing rather than tensing up and holding our breath and then exploding and such. Take a toddler peeing on the floor in front of you with an air of "haha, what YOU gonna do about it" and "GO CLEAN IT": yoga teaches us to respond by calmly telling her that pee goes in the toilet and not on the beautiful handmade Persian area rug — as opposed to reacting with a great big "ARRRRRGHH" and then exploding and such.

It was wonderful.

And, I get to do it again next week, with even MORE students, I’m told…. It was great to get out. It was great to teach yoga again to MY class. A class of MY very own. Where I actually have some control (of myself). Where people actually listen to me! Where people are over 3 years old.

Now, please, Gorgeouses, help me pick up my pieces with a nice OHHHHMMMMMM…. Three times….

I know, some people think Ohmmmm’s a joke. I used to crack up in the classes because I thought Ohmmm was so silly sounding. Now, I love it. Try it. I dare you. And, then tell me about it in the comments.

Take a nice deep inhalation, through the nostrils, from the belly….

Ohhhhhhmmmmmm…..

Again, inhale….

Ohhhhhhhmmmmmm…..

Last time’s the best one….

Ohhhhhmmmmmm…..

Now tell me about it. Was it as good for you as it was for me? Was your spouse or co-worker or cat or whoever around you, like, "whaa"??


Whaa?

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