You know how yesterday I was CELEBRATING my new-found productivity?

Ahem.

It’s not even funny. Not EVEN funny.

I take it all back. I take it ALL back.

(Why am I repeating everything twice? Maybe it’s because…I’M EXHAUSTED? FRUSTRATED? OFFICIALLY CERTIFIABLY INSANE?)

That’s right, Gorgeouses. Today was awful. Plain awful. “Why?” you ask. Because SOMEBODY — a blond-haired, blue-eyed little pipsqueak with a shriek to end all shrieks — did NOT sleep last night: try wakeup shrieks calls at 3am, 4am, 5am and 7am.

Despite my sorry sleepless state this morning, the day did start off great. I lugged my post-preggers arse over to the gym for HOTTIE KICKBOXING INSTRUCTOR‘S INSANE class. And, at the end of the class I informed HOTTIE KICKBOXING INSTRUCTOR that he was singlehandedly going to rid me of this postpreggers weight. He accepted, with eyes sparkling all greeny green…. And, WOAHHH, I digress.

That kickboxing class killed me, though. Rendered me comatose for the rest of the day. But, with two HYPER cheaty monkeys to take care of, I don’t have the luxury of being comatose. And, as Murphy would tell you, the more comatose I am, the more uncontrollable these monkeys are SURE to be.

So, basically, I take it all back: the rascal is NOT sleeping through the night, and I have NO time for myself, and, while we’re at it, the monkey is NO closer to being toilet trained EVEN though, as of this very afternoon, her change table is no more — is now a shelf for her zillion stuffed animals.


OF COURSE, you can get that LOVERLY clothesline painting from Kids Deserve Art.

Spare time? MY ARSE.

Painting? Me? I don’t THINK so. But, someone else enjoyed painting in the sunshine….


You’d think this would be relaxing…. But, NOOOO. The rascal was in an extraordinarily VILE mood the whole time. Disturbing the neighbours…. ARGH.

…And, getting it ALL OVER HERSELF (did you know that purple paint and PEE do NOT mix well? Try it if you don’t believe me)….


Yes it was FUN (F-to-the-U-to-the-N FUN) cleaning THOSE hands up…. Good times.

…But, we won’t talk about the toilet training. She peed in her pants THREE times today THREE!!!

And, what’s with the shrill? I feel like I’m living with DORA THE EXPLORER lately. Why do toddlers insist on screaming everything. Can’t we talk softly? At least while mommy is comatose? Or, at the VERY least, while our brother has FINALLY succumbed to sleep?

Dunzo. I’m dunzo. If I kvetch anymore, you’re going to leave me. Forever. I just know it. Because I’m having THAT kind of day. And, now I’m going to turn out the lights and crawl under my bed and STAY THERE…until the next shriek feeding…. Oh, and I’m going to wallow. WALLOW.


If I have any luck at all today, Minden will join me under this bed…. Even though I’m still mad at him for barfing on the couch….

Tsk. Painting? Reading? Who WAS that girl…?

Pity the 8+ unsuspecting lovely people who signed up for my yoga class, which starts tomorrow. Oh, I’ll be FINE. I’ll do a few ohmmms tonight between wallows. There are good acoustics under this bed….

EDIT: If you want your cheaty a little more peppy? Go check Cheaty Gossip. My delirium took a silly turn…. You might enjoy!?