I Fear….

I fear I’m never going to sleep again.

I fear I’ll never lose these last 25 pounds of preggers weight and Monkey will call me BIG MAMA forever and I’ll never EVER be able to wear a Betsey Johnson dress EVER! Waahhh!

I fear I’ll never be free of those TERRIBLY HORRIBLE Starbucks Grande Nonfat (sometimes Soy) No-Water Tazo Chais.

I fear the Zaky Infant Pillow (even though I could probably use one for the rascal….). Eeek!

I fear the manual feeder on ANY photocopy machine will BITE me (best part about being a SAHM? No more photocopying).

I fear Miss Monkey will be the only woman in HISTORY to still be in diapers when she goes to university.

I fear telemarketers, spammers and Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt will take over the world — it seems those DANG DESIGNER WATCH spammers have already started!#@$*%&#!?

I fear Adam (“Baller”) might win Big Brother 9.

I fear Sheila might NOT win Big Brother 9. DANG IT!!!

I fear Rascal will be a thumb sucker like his sister and we’ll have to sell the cats to pay for orthodontics.

I fear someone will take Minden’s picture off this blog and make it her DESKTOP WALLPAPER, MEL!

I fear I’ll never be able to shower or pee in private again.

I fear Victoria Beckham’s nipples, Madonna’s arms, and Burt Reynold’s post-plastic-surgery punum.

I fear the extreme cold of Canadian winters and the extreme heat of Canadian summers. WHY do I live here, again?

I fear Rascal will never be able to sleep without a boob in his mouth.

I fear that I’ll leave my house with a boob hanging out…AGAIN.

And, what, pray tell, do the CELEBS fear??? Check it!

1. MADONNA: Brontophobia — fear of thunder.

2. DAVID BECKHAM: Ataxophobia — fear of chaos or disorder.
“Everything has to match in the house,” says Victoria Beckham of her husband’s profound aversion to disorder. “If there are three cans of Diet Coke he’d throw one away rather than have three because it’s uneven.”

3. P. DIDDY: Coulrophobia — fear of clowns.

4. KELLY OSBOURNE: Chiraptophobia — fear of personal contact.
“All you have to do is touch her collarbone,” said her brother Jack. “It’s awesome — she starts dry retching.”

5. JOHNNY DEPP: Coulrophobia — fear of clowns, particularly men in white make-up and messy lipstick.
“There’s something about the painted face, the fake smile,” he said. “There always seemed to be a darkness lurking just under the surface, a potential for real evil. Something must have happened when I was a kid.”

6. SARAH MICHELLE GELLAR: Taphophobia — fear of being buried alive or of cemeteries.
“I really fear graveyards and I have a big phobia of being buried alive…. It was really hard being an ass-kicking vampire slayer when you are afraid of graves.”

7. CHRISTINA RICCI: Botanophobia –fear of plants.
“They are dirty,” says Ricci of house plants. “If I have to touch one, after already being repulsed by the fact that there is a plant indoors, then it just freaks me out.”

8. WOODY ALLEN: fear of dogs, children, sunshine, small rooms, cancer, heights, and ESPECIALLY insects and spiders.

9. SCARLETT JOHANSSON: Katsaridaphobia — fear of cockroaches.

10. ORLANDO BLOOM: Swinophobia — fear of pigs.

11. OPRAH WINFREY: Chiclephobia (?) — fear of chewing gum (I myself have a mild version of this!).
“My grandmother used to save it [used gum] in little rows in the cabinet. I’d be scared to touch it because it was so gross, so I have a thing about gum. One guest in my home sat at the dinner table, took out some gum from her mouth and put it on her plate — after she left, I threw the plate out.”

12. JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE: fear of sharks, snakes and spiders, and dying unloved.

13. NICOLE KIDMAN: Lepidopterophobia — fear of butterflies.
“I have tried to get over it (the phobia) I walked into the big butterfly cage at the American Museum of Natural History and had the butterflies on me, but that didn’t work…. I jump out of planes, I could be covered in cockroaches, I do all sorts of things, but I just don’t like the feel of butterflies’ bodies.”

Do YOU have any phobias, Gorgeouses?

(All photographs by PR Photos)

[38] Comments