I’m trying to write a post about I-don’t-know what (still thinking on that), but it’s hard because I’m TOTALLY distracted by The Bachelor right now. This has to be THE BEST final four EVER. Well, TWO of them are entertaining the FRICK out of me: Shayne and Amanda (aka Meep Girl — because I love those MEEPS).

Shayne and her father are COMPLETELY acting. And, Shayne’s mother is totally PLASTIC and LIP LINERRRRR in a house full of leopard print and teeny froo-froo doggies! It’s falipping HILARIOUS!

Then, there’s Meep Girl. Her mother!?!? Touching him and rubbing her CLEAVE all over him! Is this FOR REAL?

A-ny-way, commercial. And, Chelsea’s home visit — BOOOORING. Maybe can write something WORTHY now….

Ummmm…. But.

I’d like to try to write a half-interesting post for those of you who actually look forward to my DRIVEL each morning…! But, how do I compete with Shayne’s mother’s LIPLINERRRRR (I’m still not over that!) and MEEEEP!?

Mind you, my cleave is AT LEAST as big as Meep’s mothers’, and unavoidably in your face. TIM GUNN, GUIDE ME TO STYLE!


Haley-Ohhhhh! Forgive my visceral reaction! What are you thinking? Cover those girls up! That’s so sixteenth century, and not in a good way….

I need to spice things up a bit. Need to get myself on The Bachelor — well, maybe not The Bachelor FOR THAT SHIP HAS SAILED (and everyone over 30 always gets booted in the first round). But, maybe American Idol? (I’d say Canadian Idol, but my fantasy life doesn’t go there; I need SIMON.)

After all, if you see me in my car, I WILL be singing at the top of my lungs, and I may not see YOU because I’m somewhere else: I’m on the stage, singing before Randy, Paula and, of course, SIMON. And, OF COURSE, I’m impressing the CARP out of them!

Don’t get me wrong. Eyes are ON THE ROAD (or, sometimes, and only at red lights, are on my pinkberry, which, in all seriousness, is totally irresponsible and stopping NOW). But, I’m singing. And, my singing has GOT to be SIMON-worthy every time.

O-MY-GARSH! Meeps’ slooty mom is an ACTOR? That Meeps HIRED! How LAME is that? I’m so disappointed. Okay, watching and LOVING it! “You’re touching my nipple”!!! Classic.

So, tell me about you, Gorgeouses? Do you sing in the car? In the shower? Are you auditioning for anything when you sing? American Idol? The school play (I do that one, too…)? Sometimes, I audition for my camp play because I JUST KNOW that if I’d chosen a song other than Donna Summer’s MAC ARTHURS PARK, I would have landed the starring role….


The “judges” (camp counselors…) laughed so hard when I got to the part about the cake melting because someone left it out in the rain…. Total TRAUMA!

Simon Cowell would have been SO disappointed in me at that camp audition. Hellooo? SONG CHOICE!?

Anyway, Monkey knows, I’m very serious about my American Idol audition. Too bad I’m too over the hill to ever audition. But, that doesn’t stop me from dreaming……. Because, ahhhhh, a girl can dream…..

Is it hot in here? Or, is it just me? Am totally schvitzing!

(There’s lots of gossip over at Cheaty Gossip! Check it!)

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