First, it was the SHOE situation.

Then, it was the HAIR situation.

Finally, I can’t… even… say it…, but here goes….

9 POUNDS!

I gained a whopping 9 POUNDS in ONE MONTH! Now, I REALLY feel like crap. I have a SHORT haircut — NOT a good thing when you’re preggers — I have UGGERSER FEET THAN USUAL, and I’m fat. How did I gain so much weight this month?

My OB had no answers for me, except that I might be retaining water because it’s so hot outside — and the fact that it hurts for me make a fist, and the fact that only one pair of shoes in AN ENTIRE MALL fit my feet, are symptoms of that, fashizzle (fashizzle = for sure).

Seriously, though, the OB said there’s nothing wrong with my weight gain, and that I’m doing great, and that there’s really no way to control the weight gain if you’re eating reasonably (which I am). She’s so awesome I love her! So, there. I mean, what’s really important is that the baby and me are healthy. So, s’all good, really.

And, to EVERYONE I pass by…? YES, I’m huge, but my baby is AVERAGE size! And, NO, I’m NOT HAVING TWINS.

In fact, today’s ultrasound revealed that the baby is 3 pounds already! How cool is that?

But, ugh, COULD I feel more unattractive right now? Darn haircut.

I was going to post a picture of my FREAKING SHORT HAIRCUT — BITCHES gave me a SHORT HAIRCUT! But, I’m still crying about it. Really, I’m not that vain. I mean, I’ve had bad haircuts in the past and simply laughed it off. But, I’m hormonal. And, my hair made me feel good about my late-pregnancy appearance. The hairdresser carelessly took the one thing that made me feel attractive away from me. I told him to keep the length because it’s the only thing that makes me feel pretty. I TOLD HIM THAT! And, he disregarded it for whatever selfish reason — I say selfish because he CERTAINLY wasn’t thinking about me.

To think!? I NEVER tell a hairdresser what to do. The one time I do — he doesn’t listen.

LESSONS LEARNED:

1. Know what you want before you go to your hairdresser;

2. Tell the hairdresser what you want EXACTLY;

3. Stand up and YELL what you want exactly IN HIS/HER EAR!;

4. If you’re not totally sure he heard you, SHAKE HIM, and continue to scream what you want at him;

5. Don’t EVER go to your husband’s hairdresser no matter how insistent he is… ahem… cough… erm…. ESPECIALLY when you’re preggers.

How am I going to go back to my old hairdresser NOW? After trying someone new TWICE.

By the way, this hair disaster cost me $95 dollars — and they didn’t even wash my hair. Freaking BITCHES!

Th_cmflowermain

The monkey doesn’t mind my hair. She never even noticed, of course. Except once — when she said mamma’s hair was “too beeg”! But, to her, everything is “too beeg”…. Apparently, I am, too: “Beeg mamma!”, she said. Thanks, I needed that.

This evening, she took my mind RIGHT off my self-esteem issues, though, with this little number:

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“Look, Mamma!” she said, “Tigger HAT”!

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“Tigger hat!” EEEEEEE! Could you just…?

Sigh…. I never imagined a toy tea-kettle top could make such a perfect hat for a cat! I LOVE my hilarious little monkey BEYOND!

CAN YOU BELIEVE SHE’LL BE 2 YEARS OLD ON SATURDAY! BIG PARTY — HUGE! I’ll tell y’all about it, fashizzle!

Th_cmflowermain

Want gossip? Check it — at Cheaty’s Celebrity Gossip!

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