Just when you thought my Depression posts where over…PART II has arrived…. Another post to brighten up your day with. Actually, my symptoms were quite comical (serious, but comical), so feel free to laugh — that would be just one more silver lining….
In My Depression Post, I didn’t talk about all the people who were instrumental to my survival. So, here are a few of them, and some more of my wacky questions for your laughing pleasure….
Ali. Ali. Ali. One of the best things that could have happened to me during my tumultuous pregnancy was dear dear Ali, whom I like to call “Leeshy,” or “Best-thing-that-ever-happened-to-me- when-I-was-pregnant-at-work.” She was pregnant with Bella at the time; our due dates were a week apart. I walked in to work with my ultrasound pictures and my big ol’ announcement, and, a week later, in walked Leeshy with hers! We totally bonded over this.
Several times a day, I’d trot over to Leeshy’s cubicle and lay my wacky questions on her:
“Leeshy, is it okay if I eat peanut butter?”
“Yes,” she’d reply, always with a smile, gesturing to her own half-filled jar of peanut butter.
“Leeshy, the microwave?”
“You’re fine.”
“Leeshy, Jo-Anne just gave me a static shock on my belly. Do you get static shocks? Is it…is it okay? Can I photocopy?”
“You’re fine, Haley.”
And, she always smiled and giggled with me. I have to ask her if she realized that there was something not-just-a-little wrong with me. I wondered if everyone knew? For I hid my insanity under a veil of humour and hyperactivity. At least at work.
In between questions to Alicia, I’d run to a private room and call Adrienne, the assistant director at Motherisk — she kindly gave me her private number early in my pregnancy. She specializes in pregnancy-related mental disorders. I’d ask Adrienne the same questions, and more:
“My coworker told me the almond I almost ate was half-eaten by a mouse and a weevil! It was in the bag with all the other almonds I ate! Is it okay?”
“My cat’s paw touched my cheek! Did I catch toxoplasmosis!?”
She’d always answer my questions (well, she wouldn’t always answer them) with a dose of tough love, “Haley, you’ve called me 4 times in the last 2 hours! I’m busy! You’re fine! Bye for now!”
Adrienne and I continue to keep in touch. She’s since written an article about me that was accepted into a prestigious journal of psychiatry. She’s busy preparing herself for my next pregnancy. But, let’s all hope my next pregnancy is better, right? Y’all will probably sense if I get psycho again….
There are so many people who helped me who I can’t name for privacy’s sake. Doctors, parents, siblings, inlaws, friends, and JOSH! Josh couldn’t have been more understanding and supportive — coming with me to doctor’s and therapy appointments and accepting my freak-out calls 20x a day. That’s love — in sickness and in health. I’ll never forget it.
If you or anyone you know are experiencing depression during or post pregnancy, please email me. I will always be grateful to Jennifer Lawrence (TOMAMA, MUBAR) — who went through a similar experience during and after her pregnancy. My psychiatrist, Bev Young at the perinatal psychiatry clinic at Mount Sinai (yes, there is a clinic just for this!), gave me her phone number.* It was so healing to speak to someone who understood exactly what I was going through and what I needed to do. I am so grateful to her for making herself available to me. Now, it’s my turn. Email me if you need someone who understands to listen.
*UPDATE: Little did I know that TOMAMA was a BLOGGER! Bev just gave me her phone number, and we spoke extensively about prenatal depression…. I’ll never forget the generosity. I didn’t know what a blog was until I met Ms. Alimartell…. I’m sure MUBAR would have been extremely helpful. It’s since been taken down.
ali said, August 16th, 2006 at 7:10 pm
aw, Haley, you are too sweet.
i’m glad i was able to help…even if it was only a little
(you can call me every day, 4 times a day, during the next pregnancy if you’d like. goodness knows i’ll probably be bored to tears at work without you anyway…)
Her Bad Mother said, August 16th, 2006 at 9:35 pm
Posting about PPD is one of the most powerful tools we have to help each other. Because there aren’t always real life people around who understand (other than the psychiatrist, et al…)
Keep writing. Keep writing about this.
Jenny said, August 17th, 2006 at 6:54 am
Oh, amen sister. I feel you. I had to buy my own doppler thingie so I could listen to Hailey’s heartbeat because I was always convinced that she had died. And I wouldn’t let the cats near me. Poor kitties.
I once cried hysterically in my office because I thought that Hailey might end up a rebublican and that she and Victor would be “against me”.
Depression during pregnancy is a scary thing.
metro mama said, August 17th, 2006 at 11:06 am
I had a co-worker like this. I’m so grateful I did.
drstaceyny said, August 17th, 2006 at 12:43 pm
That’s a blessing that you had such support. When things are as scary and sad as you described them to be, I can’t imagine going at it alone. I have a feeling your next pregnancy will be easier, given what you experienced and learned.
Jen said, August 17th, 2006 at 10:51 pm
Sharing your experiences will be so helpful to other moms going through this for the first time. I think that this is blogging at its most powerful.
The Cheaty Monkey said, November 6th, 2006 at 12:00 am
[...] While Kalin enjoyed the monkey, Melinda and I talked, and talked, and talked. We talked for over an hour — maybe even over 2 hours…. We talked about our kids (Kalin is the youngest of 4), cooking, eating, working out, experiences of motherhood, of depression, anxiety. We talked very openly about depression and anxiety. I told her my story (see here and here). And, she told me hers, and about how difficult it was to finally accept Kalin’s autism. [...]
Kes said, November 14th, 2006 at 3:27 pm
Can you imagine living in a more conservative time like our mothers did? not knowing what was going on in your own body and not sharing your true feelings with other moms? I cannot.
I didn’t deal with my anxiety or my depression during my two pregnancies. Then we moved a couple of months ago and I found I couldn’t leave the house (except to walk the dog). I couldn’t go get groceries for the kids. My dad had agoraphobia when he was younger so I started to freak out about freaking out. I went to see a naturopath. He said it would get worse before it got better, that the medications would be flushing all that mojo out of my body. Was he ever right! I was nasty irritable for a week. Now, I wouldn’t say I’m ready to sing “the hills are alive..” but I have my sense of humour back. That’s been missing for over three years! My husband and I argue less. I’m way less intense about his interactions with the kids. I actually want to meet people, have coffee. And I don’t cry so much. For any pregnant moms out there, if you are dealing with anything chronic during your pregnancy do try and see a naturopath. There are so many “cures” that are safe to take, I only wish I’d gone sooner!
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Autism Game said, September 12th, 2008 at 6:29 pm
As a father of two ASD boys, I really appreciate your blog and the information you post!
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