This has been the most difficult few days I’ve had in a very, very long time. I don’t really know what to do with myself. People think: “he’s just a cat,” etc., etc.. But, he wasn’t. I have 3 other cats. Each one is different. Simba was very intelligent. Very aware. It is particularly hard losing him. His absence is unbelievably present. Worst of all, and I realize this now more than ever, he was my comforter. No one could comfort me like he did. Now, I have to figure out how to comfort myself, and to find other resources for coping with this great loss.

So, I’ve come up with a list of the various things that are comforting me, making me smile. Here goes:

1) Feeding the Monkey was driving me crazy for a while there (see “Insane in the Mombrain”), but, I’ve been laughing now at her backwash (a puff of hardboiled egg yolk wafted into her sippy cup just today, throwing me into mild hysterics), at the way she peels her broccoli and throws the florets away as if she’s playing “he loves me; he loves me not,” and at how she insists on feeding herself–piling the food in her mouth piece after piece until she has to gag some of it out! It makes me smile just to write about it….

2) The way the Monkey likes to stiffen her legs and puff out her stomach when I lay her down on her back…. I ask her how many beers she’s had today….

3) the Monkey’s kisses….

4) The hubbie Josh’s tears…make me see that I’m not alone….

5) The thoughtful and caring words of good friends and new blogger friends through emails, phone calls and comments on my blog….Thank you all for reaching out….

6) Having a good cry….

7) Reading my favourite blogs….

Drinking hot chocolate….

9) Lying down and thinking about all the places Ba liked to sleep….

10) Playing with and petting my remaining three cats, sweet old Tigger, playful nonstop-kissing Minden, and princess pitter-pat MARGE, whom we’ve let sleep on our bed until the house is cleaned (tomorrow).

Finally, I’m not sure if this is making me smile or cry, but the Monkey has said her first word:

“Ba”

Yes, she says it all day long–has been saying it since the day my Ba left us. “BA BA BA BA BA!” It is so bizarre. But, it’s also very precious: when the Monkey asks me what her first word was, I’ll tell her all about our special Ba.