I can’t believe I’m blogging this evening. It feels like I was just here. But I counted the days (on my fingers), and it’s almost been two weeks. Remember when I used to blog here every day? Time just goes so fast now. And as I mentioned in my last post, I’m determined to slow it down. And I’m determined to write here tonight even though I’m simultaneously battling my cat Minden as he attempts avidly, feverishly to kiss me or, well, seriously, to stick his slimy tongue down my throat. BATTLING HERE. Sorry for that visual, but HELP ME seriously…!

So this is me at eTalk TV again….

It’s not the best picture of me. I’m super grin-y. Mostly because I was happy it was over. We were talking about some intense stuff — like celebrities and extended breastfeeding, co-sleeping and placenta eating. Not easy topics to talk about on behalf of a national brand. But I did love doing it, and I think I did OK! It’s airing next week. So keep an eye on my Twitter feed AND Facebook page (which I implore you to LIKE to stay updated on my celeb news and lots of other fun stuff), for the exact date.

Can someone please get this cat off of me? Or at least just don’t get upset if I can’t get a coherent sentence going here, OK? And, by the way, he does this at 3 a.m. every night too. Just when the Rascal starts sleeping through the night (still barely, at 4.5 years old), my cat starts waking me up? Am I never meant to sleep through the night again? I’m tired over here. I saw bags under my eyes in my car window reflection this morning. BAGS. Big ones.

And, alas, even the eye mask, with which I’ve been obsessed lately (melatonin, FTW!) isn’t helping….

Anyway, last night we took the kids to see Canada’s Got Talent — yet another perk of working at Today’s Parent. And we had a great time. Do you watch the show? Are you, like everyone else who watches, voting for Rally the Dog? We were. Check out our fancy signs….

Raahhhhh! Go Rally! Hee. So ‘dorable.

So, this wasn’t so bad, Gorgeouses. Didn’t take that long. Hmm…, maybe I could drop by here more often and update you some more on the goings on around these parts? Or is time going by so fast for you too, that you didn’t even notice it’s been two weeks already since we last chatted?

In the meantime, I did go to yoga last week. Just once. But it was a start. And I meant to go this morning, but time flew right out from under me as I was working last night, and I decided getting that extra hour and a half of sleep was more important than making it to yoga. But an hour and a half later, I wasn’t so sure.

See you soon….

Love!

xo Haley-O

Some more stuff I’ve been working on and am really proud of: Carson Kressley’s hot fashion tips for moms, Natural makeup and skincare products we love (ALL MY BEAUTY SECRETS!), 6 delicious vegan recipes, and a big spread in June’s issue of Today’s Parent Magazine (on stands mid May!). I’ve also updated my CV again, if you want to have a look at all of my recent publications. THANKS!

Well, I never made it to yoga that week. And, as you can see, I hardly have time to do another thing I love anymore — blog here at Cheaty Monkey.

Things are busier than ever at work, so by the end of the day, after the kids are in bed and I’m done working some more, I just want to get offline, play with my animals and read a book.

A couple of weeks ago, Josh and I went on our trip to Mont Tremblant alone, i.e., without kids. I still can’t believe we went on a plane together without them. I was a little anxious, of course, because the Monkey kept asking things like, “Mama, will I ever be an orphan?” (The kid has impeccable timing.) But the flight was nothing, and it made us feel like we were farther away than we really were.

Want to see some pictures I took of beautiful Mont Tremblant (click to enlarge)?

The Skier.

The pole I would crash into if I attempted to ski.

Selves-portrait on snowy gondola ride.

Snowy gondola ride.

Sunglasses only a skier could love.

A new little black vegan purse.

Hotel room with a view….

If the kids were here, this wouldn’t be so quiet.

Ahhh, what could be better than peace and quiet and good old selfish indulgence. For three days we walked, worked out together, walked some more, watched the skiers, went for dinner, read our books, saw The Hunger Games (and had to switch seats because the French kids behind us kept saying “Quoi?” “qu’est-ce_que_c’est?”). It was amazing — and the perfect 40th birthday gift for Josh.

Of course, things returned to chaos and busyness as soon as we got home and it’sgrandma returned the kids to our doorstep. Sighhh, that’s why I know I need to find a way to get back to yoga.

It’s one thing to practise with the kids running around me at home, but quite another to go to the calm and peaceful yoga shala, sweat it out and breathe deeply.

But Josh is away again, so I’m not going anywhere. And I’m running on empty.

When he comes back, I’m making yoga and my well-being a priority. That’s a promise. Even if it means I have to cut another hour of sleep. Because, as I learned from our trip, life is too short to just run all the time.

Love!
xo Haley-O

P.S. When I say busier than ever at work, I mean it. Here are some things I’ve been working on lately: creating Today’s Parent‘s Earth Day page (my baby!); 20 Great Canadian Getaways; Postcards from Niagara Falls (originally printed in the May issue of Today’s Parent Magazine); Mark Wahlberg gallery; Celebrity kid hair inspiration gallery; and lots more, including editing articles, creating more galleries, tweeting for Today’s Parent, multiple daily posts at my Celebrity Candy blog, etc., etc., etc.. See? Just a little busy. But it’s LOVE! xo

Wake up.

Wrestle the dog.

Wrestle the cat.

Let out the dog.

Boil some water.

Let in the dog.

Give her her favourite all-natural, vegan “boney.”

But first, make her sit. Gentle….

Make lemon water: squeeze the hell out of lemon, pour water on top, then the freshly boiled water.

Make cat food with leftover boiled water.

Prepare Maaarge’s meds.

Wait patiently as Maaarge tries to eat her meds.

Feed cats.

Attempt to drink lemon water and pop first herbal med of the day.

Bring lemon water upstairs without spilling.

Turn on all the lights and wake up sleepy heads.

But first! Stare at the Rascal’s adorably large, heavily-blonde-lashed eyelids as he begins to stir (inevitably) in my bed.

Take out clothes for the Monkey, dump them on her bed and savour the cuteness of her sweet morning breath as she dozes, still as a log on her messy pink bed.

Shower.

Yell in the shower, “Wake up, sleepy heads!”

Someone comes in and asks twenty-seven questions: “Is it the weekend?” “Can we have a toy today?” “When is it the weekend?” “Mama, are you going to work today?”

Someone else comes in: “Do we have swimming today?” “I’m tiiiiiired.” “Mama, am I having lunch with Grandma?” “I don’t wanna go to swimming.” “Is this Queen Elizabeth’s necklace?”

“JOSH! Wake up!”

Get out of the shower, brush teeth, floss, attempt skincare regime and get dressed, while drinking lemon juice and not spilling.

Help the Rascal with his socks.

Leave Josh to finish up with the kids and run downstairs.

Make kids’ breakfast.

Fill steel water bottles and insert ice packs into lunch boxes. Place all in backpacks.

Brush the Monkey’s hair.

Make green smoothie.

Write lunch notes.

Pack lunch.

Feed the monkeys.

Give Rascal probiotics, and vitamin D drops to both.

Wash blender and kids’ breakfast dishes.

Put on makeup in the dining room as kids get their coats and shoes on and ask me thirty-four questions.

Kiss Josh goodbye and send him off with the Monkey (if he’s still home).

Take the Rascal to school (or both kids if Josh is away or at early morning meeting).

Chat with teachers.

Avoid Starbucks.

Head to work listening to Cosmo‘s Wake Up with Taylor, drinking green smoothie without spilling.

Avoid Starbucks.

Walk into office and say hello to awesome colleagues.

Check email.

5-hour marathon: Blog, tweet, edit, write, go to meetings, answer emails, LUNCH, blog, tweet, edit, write, publish, etc., etc..

Race home.

Stop for 2-minute grocery run or fresh green juice if there’s time.

Let out the dog.

Run to the school in 5 minutes.

Pick up the Rascal.

Stand, wait, talk to parents, watch the Rascal play.

Pick up the Monkey.

Stand, wait, talk to parents, watch the Monkey play.

Walk home with the kids in 40 minutes.

Go to programs (if have them).

Make dinner.

Ride the stationary bike for 30 minutes while dinner cooks.

Clean up dinner as Josh bathes the kids and reads stories.

Feed cats.

Medicate Maaarge.

Feed Betty White.

Let out Betty White.

Kiss the kids goodnight.

Make the kids lunches and snacks for tomorrow.

Make my lunch.

Finish up days work: blog, tweet, write, edit, answer emails, Facebook, etc., etc.

Soak beans and/or grains and prep dinner for tomorrow.

Watch TV to numb the heck out. If not at an evening event interviewing a celeb, or out celebrating a 40th birthday with a big night out….

Wrestle the dog if she’s not already in bed.

Give kitties cookies and fill bowls with water.

Good night.

Next week: Back to early morning YOGA. Somehow….

Love!

xo Haley-O

Look at that….

That’s our little Monkey on the stage of Disney On Ice presents Dare to Dream. I wrote a blog post about it over at our editors’ blog at Today’s Parent, but I wanted to share some of the pics here too.

She was invited to launch the lantern with Rapunzel and Flynn about two months ago, and she’s been counting down the days ever since. And, Gorgeouses, she was amazing (click to enlarge)….

I was crouching way down beneath them, taking pics and, of course, bawling. All eyes were on her. She played her part superbly — she was the magic!

It was such a great show (we love Disney On Ice). My parents, my sister and her kids came to watch the Monkey’s special moment. Here they are rehearsing during intermission….

That special night was probably the highlight of our March Break! Well, that, and that one go-to-work-with-Mommy day (don’t ask)….

Make yourself at home….

Because I’ve been working around the clock lately — I was at The Heart Truth fashion show last Thursday evening (and interviewed Canadian R&B singer Divine Brown), congratulated Matthew McConaughey’s fiance, Camila Alves, on their recent engagement (interview to come), and last night, interviewed Carson Kressley (hilarious interview to come) — I decided to take today off and show the kids a good time.

Despite this sexy cough and fever I’m sporting, I took the kids to the Art Gallery of Ontario today….

…and then we built a model plane (FAIL) and attempted to fly it in the park, but it broke pretty soon after we left the house. So I sat shivering in the hot sun as the kids rolled down the parks’ steep hills. I bathed them right when we got home, made us all some smoothies and collapsed.

Gorgeouses, when I opened my macbook to blog this evening, I swore all I was going to do was post this “vlog” (video blog) and call it a day!

….But, Josh and the kids are at Grandma and Papa’s house, and apparently delirium has set in — so I’ve written this tome.

And I’m not done.

Since I’m addicted to posting photos on Twitter, I took the plunge and joined instagram. It’s basically an app that lets you prettify your photos before you tweet them, and share them with other photo-sharing addicts. If you’re on there, too, look me up @haleyoverland, and enjoy pics like THIS….

Love!

xo Haley-O

P.S. Disney on Ice presents Dare to Dream runs until March 18th. If you’re in the GTA, checkit! You can get tix here. And you can learn more about it in my review of the show at Today’s Parent.

“Mama,” the Rascal pleads, “I’m not doin’ anything to Betty and she’s just crazing me out!”

If you ask me what I love about motherhood, that sums it up (also Beyblades and Lego — I built these insane Star Wars ships myself in just four hours the other day!). At four-years-old, the Rascal is brimming with personality, and at six-and-a-half years old, his quirky, hilarious sister is too.

My parents took them out to a Purim party this evening, giving me some much-needed time to myself. The Rascal wore a Superman costume that, to my pleasant surprise, was too small on him; and the Monkey wore a Supergirl costume and her favourite shiny blue “magic gloves.”

Even when I have time to myself, though, there’s always our high-maintenance, spirited Betty White to deal with. And lately, adorable as she is, she’s been “crazing” us all out….

…Especially the poor cats, whose ability to find the perfect place to sit never ceases to amaze me, even if it’s in Betty’s direct line of fire (RUN, MINDEN, RUN! Like the wind!)….

It’s been a rough few days with Josh-O away for work again. And Betty White knew it so well that, when I collapsed on my bed the other day, I landed in a cold, wet patch of what the kids like to call her “stinky pee.” Needless to say, she was officially excommunicated from my room after that, but the persistent little bugger managed to sneak sheepishly back onto the bed and curl into an entitled little ball beside me.

Sighhh…, want to hear what a great parent I am? I was so exhausted from solo parenting and the pee fiasco that I put the kids to bed at 6:10 p.m. last night. It was still light outside, but they were too busy bouncing off the walls to question it. Miraculously, they went right to bed and stayed there, and they woke up the next morning at the perfect time (the Rascal’s vomit scare at 6 a.m. notwithstanding) — with ample time before school to dawdle, drink a green smoothie, and play with the new Beyblades I bribed them with the day before — which is making me think they should go to bed at that time every night, huh…!

In addition to Josh being away and the dog crazing us all out, things have been really busy at work. Yoga has fallen through the cracks completely. But I may take a real break over the weekend, roll out my mat and make it happen. Because Josh-O and my romantic getaway for his 40th birthday — the first time we’ll be going away alone together since having kids — is still too far away. And, although, motherhood has its perks, I’m beginning to really understand that, for my kids’ sake and mine, even I need a holiday.

Love!

xo Haley-O

I haven’t had a Starbucks grande-soy-no-water tazo-chai latte in over a week.

I haven’t had sugar (at least not consciously) in over a week. Except for that teensy amount of ketchup I put in the peanut sauce I made from scratch the other day, which my kids hated. Boooo.

I haven’t eaten much wheat in over a week. Except for those sprouted-grain Ezekiel breads, mmm, with some hummus or Daiya (vegan) cheese on them.

I haven’t really eaten after 8 p.m. Except last Friday night because they had no vegan food at my daughter’s religious schools’ “mandatory” Shabbat dinner. Only half the school showed up, so we are officially suckers. But, it’s OK because the Monkey was thrilled to be there and, quite frankly, the magician was fantastic, and it was interesting to see some faces from, ohhh, 20 years ago! No one ages any more….

I haven’t eaten anything too fatty in over a week.  Except last night, when Josh and I went to Disgraceland for dinner. He had a massive burger that I tried not to make eye contact with, while I ravenously scarfed down my magnificent vegan Caesar salad and vegan nachos (omigosh).

After dinner, we went to the Comedy Bar and laughed for two hours at the hilarious Sklars Brothers show. Here’s a photo of Josh (wearing contact lenses for the first time in 25 years — he thinks he looks bizarre) with Jason Sklar, whom you may recognize from Curb Your Enthusiasm, Entourage, CSI and a buch of other stuff — really nice guy….

Jason’s other half, Randy Sklar, got stuck in Minneapolis, so they did their act via skype — hilarious!

It’s been ages since I went to the yoga shala…. I drive by there on my way to work, and I always hope to see someone walk in or out the front door. I miss everyone! But I need my new lifestyle to set in before I set any more goals. And, unfortunately, I seem to need to lose this weight before I feel comfortable doing yoga anywhere but here at home.

It’s been a week since I started practising yoga at home and exercising. I’ve been dancing a lot with the kids to my favourite radio station, working out with a video, walking the dogs, skating with the kids….

Yeah, It’s been a week since something finally snapped. I just couldn’t take it anymore. I started feeling really low in energy. All I wanted to eat was crap and sit on my couch. And my clothes just kept getting tighter.

So far, I’ve definitely lost a little weight, and people are telling me I look great all the time. As my naturopath, Tara Campbell (who’s helping me along this journey), said, the changes are coming from the inside — so it’s not new makeup, as people have suspected! I’ve just been drinking a lot of green smoothies and eating whole grains, legumes and veggies — all good stuff. Except for the nachos. But, you know, moderation….

OK! Off to NYC to meet my new nephew! This one-day trip will definitely be a challenge, diet wise. But Josh is now on a diet too, so he’ll help me. Besides, I may treat myself to Starbucks, since I can’t bring my blender with me, and one chai, in a different country, totally does not count.

Check out my Oscar fashions roundup, which is, by the way, the reason this post is a bit suckage (late, late night, FTW!)….

Love!

xo Haley-O

Oh gosh. I’m posting this picture of myself for three reasons.

1) Because Ange told me I’m finally looking like myself again after 4 weeks of looking like arse from the ghastly cold/cough/flu/bronchitis I’ve been battling (the dark circles under the eyes are still there, as is that UFO thing in the middle of my head — heh, I wore it shopping this aft, and the Rascal loved it). And Ange has a fabulous British accent.

2) Because my friend Alice, aka “Kittenpie,” said my hair looked “Gorgeous!” when I tweeted it earlier today.

3) Because this is my blog! And one should post photos of oneself on one’s blog, don’t you think? (And it’s really rare that I actually get a good photo of myself, so I thought I better post it and possibly make it my Twitter/Facebook avatar for the next 10 years.)

And one should post photos of one’s kids on one’s blog, don’t you think? And if one (like myself) doesn’t post photos of one’s children’s faces on one’s blog, then one better post a photo of one’s child’s FIRST LOST TOOTH!

Congratulations, MONKEY!

…Or at the very least, one better post lots of photos of one’s seriously unphotogenic dog — to make one’s own photo look more gorj.

Speaking of one…, guess what I did this weekend?! If you follow me on Twitter, you may know I gave a talk (about blogging, community, marketing and me!) at the Rotman School of Management, at University of Toronto.

Because I was so sick, and because the kids kept me up most of the night before, I may or may not have dozed off mid sentence once or twice…. But what a great experience! I wasn’t nervous at all, could have talked all day long, and the students were really lovely. I also learned a lot myself, simply by taking the time to reflect on the pretty crazy career I’ve had so far: from hobby blogging, to Urban Moms, bTrendie (remember that?), to TODAY’S PARENT MAGAZINE.

Here’s the wonderful Professor Bill McEvily (left) and social media expert Matthew Stradiotto, of the Toronto-based social media company Matchstick.ca, who also gave a (fascinating) talk.

And look what Prof. McEvily gave me for showing up to his class….

I love this mug. This mug SAVED me during two extreme, ugly cough attacks at work today and yesterday, so I’m very grateful. Inside, however, was the worst possible gift ever: a gift card to Starbucks. Apparently, the professor did his homework….

One should probably blog more than once a week (or so) if one’s going to have just so much to share, don’t you think? We haven’t even gotten to the diet and yoga stuff I wanted to tell you about. Next time.

UPDATE ON MAAARGE!: As many of you know, Maaarge has been really ill. Well, I’m happy to say the wonderful vets at Laird-Eglinton Pet Hospital have worked miracles: Maaarge’s seizures have stopped! She’s stopped urinating everywhere, and I even got to shower her (for the first time in 15 years). So she actually even smells fantastic! Her back legs aren’t what they used to be — I’m thinking she probably injured them during one of her seizures. She sleeps a lot, and she seems a little more out of it than before all this happened. But she’s comfortable and happy.

I’ve been holding her a lot lately. Putting my ear to her li’l body and listening to her purr. It occurred to me that she’s literally my rock. Sediment upon sediment of emotions, memories, experiences. I’m not ready to lose her, and I know there’s not much time left. But I’m enjoying holding her, appreciating her. My delicate, precious, living relic. For as long as I can.

Love….

xo Haley-O (off to make one’s morning green smoothie!)

I had planned on blogging sooner, but, as those of you who keep up with me on Twitter know, our beloved Maarge has been really ill.

It started last week. All of a sudden, as I was leaving the house to take the kids to school, Maarge flipped over on her side, started foaming at the mouth, and seemed to be struggling over and over again to get up. When she finally got up, she just stared blankly for about 20 – 30 seconds. I dropped the kids off at school and immediately called the vet. They told me to bring her over as soon as possible.

Maarge was happy at the vet, purring too loudly for them to check her heart. So they had to take her to another room. And I sat alone in silence.

When they returned with her, she came right up to me and (this cat-who-doesn’t-kiss) kissed me delicately just below my lower lip.

After that vet visit, which ended optimistically because of Maarge’s happy mood, everything went downhill. What followed was seizure after seizure — each one more aggressive and violent than the last. It was horrific, disturbing and messy. And on top of it all, I was struggling with a brutal cold, Josh was away, my parents were away, and the kids were sick. I can’t believe I got through that madness.

For the next two nights I didn’t sleep because Maarge kept having seizures beside my bed, under my bed, around my bed. I waited patiently through each one to see if she would survive, watching and waiting as she stared, drooled, foamed and urinated.

When I talk to people about this, they often tilt their heads, look at me with sympathy, and ask, “Do you think maybe, I mean, I know it’s hard, but do you think you should maybe put her down?”

And you know, I asked the vet the same question. The morning after that first all-nighter with Maarge, I took her to the vet with the expectation that this might be it for her. But they said no. At her age (almost 16), it’s likely she has a brain tumour. So we could put her through exhaustive tests — MRIs and cat scans (ohh, I just got that terrible pun now…) to get to the bottom of this. But that’s not the goal. If they were to find a tumour, would we operate on her at her age? No. All I want to do is stop the seizures. I want to see her get fat, for once, sleep, purr, and just go in peace.

Yes, my goal right now is to let her die with dignity. It could be a week from now; it could be two years. My meticulous Maarge (it’s really spelled MAAARGE! but I’m so tired…) doesn’t deserve to die a mess like this. Although she’s ravenous and lethargic from the anti-seizure medication I now have to give her around the clock (until her every-12-hour pill kicks in), she’s beginning to clean herself again, she’s started lifting her head and trilling again when I walk by her, and she’s purring. As long as she’s happy, she’s not going anywhere.

Maarge has been my pretty, creepy little shadow for all these years: through university, my engagement, marriage, my crazy pregnancies, my children, new jobs, new homes, new cats, old cats, new dogs. Watching. Witnessing it all. And when I’m away from her, I see her in the shadows, creeping around in my peripheral vision. I hear her purring and trilling.

She’s the first pet I got on my own; I took her with me to university in London, Ontario, the first day I got her. She’s been a key character in this blog from the beginning. So you know, losing her is hard.

For now I’m going to spend any energy I can spare giving back to her for all she’s given me. Which means wiping her down even though she gets uncharacteristically ornery!

And look, she’s looking straight at the camera for the first time, maybe ever (I just took this photo this evening)….

MAAARGE!

Love…
xo Haley-O

We went to Niagara Falls and Great Wolf Lodge last weekend, and it was amazing. No matter where we are, being with my family is like being wrapped in a warm, adorable, fluffy blanket — even when the kids are running around the house screaming, pinching each other in the backseat of my car, or interrupting me (“Mama! Mama! Mama! Mama! Mama!”) when I’m on the phone. I can’t get enough of them, and I never take them and their awesome uniqueness for granted.

As the Rascal likes to say…, “SHHHHABAH!” (?)

So the fact that I haven’t gone to my beloved yoga studio in over a week has meant that I’ve had a little more of that early-morning special time with my cheaty little monkeys — when they’re quiet, still, not wreaking havoc, and it’s just love.

The exact same thing happened this time last year. I stopped going to yoga for about three weeks last January/February. And at the time I thought I’d lost my motivation because my teacher was away in India.

But now I know that I’m a bear.

Journey behind the Falls….

I seem to need this time every year. Yoga studios are packed with people resolving to get lean and zen, and it’s so cold and dark out that early in the morning. I just want to be home and quiet. Don’t want to explain anything or make any excuses, or even really to blog about it. Just want to be quiet and contained. Like a bear.

Or like a yogi in a cave, my own silent retreat.

I’ve been having a love affair with yoga for almost thirty years. My mom used to practice yoga (à la Hittleman) on her bedroom floor every morning, and she’d take me to her weekly class at the Yoga Centre of Toronto now and then. I used to laugh when the ladies chanted ohhhhmmm. I did my first splits in that class all those years ago…. My brother and sister could have cared less about the yoga, but I was fascinated. And I haven’t lost any of that fascination.

But yoga and I are on a break, at least until this private, quiet “hibernation” spell ends, and until the dust of all the changes around here begins to settle.

So, my yoga right now has to be sun salutations in my bedroom, drinking hot water with lemon in the morning and eating a salad a day. My yoga is getting the kids to school and to their programs on time. My yoga is witnessing my thoughts as I walk to the store to pick up the toothpaste we ran out of, as I try to wiggle the Monkey’s loose tooth without squirming, as I wipe the Rascal’s ever-flowing fountain of snot, scramble to meet editorial deadlines, avoid Starbucks and get to work on time. My yoga is bathing my dog, cleaning dishes, cooking dinner, making lunches, grocery shopping, and not swearing at Maaarge for meowing for food every time I walk by her (feline hypothyroidism, FTW!).

I’ve gone straight to seventh series, it seems, and I’m hardly halfway through primary. I’m a bad, bad Ashtanga yogi, and it’s OK for now. But it also sucks because, in another sense, I’m exiling myself from people and a place that I love (another bad habit of mine of which I’m well aware; I hope they’ll take me back).

But still….

I’ll return to my dedicated daily yoga practice when I’m ready, when my family’s ready, or when Pattabhi Jois appears in my dreams again, telling me, “You. You practice,” and to go find something “yellow” (?).

In the meantime, I’m OK with failing at a something. And, honestly, that in itself is some kind of achievement for me.

Inhale.

Exhale.

Love….

xo Haley-O

Photos by Haley Overland/Cheatymonkey.com

I should really stop writing blog posts in my head. Because they never actually make it to the blog. I used to write a blog post a day in my head and then transcribe it seamlessly here. But now they come about once a week, and the finished product looks nothing like its mental predecessor.

Yes, these days, since I blog 3-4 times a day over at Today’s Parent, sitting down in the evening to write this blog, I gotta say, takes some effort, extra stamina, and vegan gummy bears. And the only reason I have vegan gummy bears in my pantry is because the Rascal loves them. I personally think they’re disgusting, but I had them here, you know, because he loves them, and one thing led to another and before I knew it SCARF…. Ew, seriously. Fingers crossed the “organic juice” they’re made with has an iota of nutritional value.

Arrgh.

Now I’m trying to blog here, and Josh-O is talking on the phone. If you only knew how loud he talks on the phone. And he takes up the whole house with the pacing. What’s with the pacing?

GO DOWNSTAIRS, I’m mouthing to him, waving my hand ferociously (lots of post-gummy-bear adrenalin pumping through my veins). TOO LOUD. Seriously, I can’t hear myself think. Where was I, even? I guess, then, whatever I write now, I am NOT responsible for. I will say, though, that it’s been harder than ever for me to sit down to write this blog, go to yoga, get up in the morning, divide my attention equally between my dog Betty White and each of my two cats, MAAARGE and Minden. It’s been harder than ever for me to HEAR MYSELF THINK BECAUSE he’s on the damn phone.

Ohhhhmmmmmmm….

He is the loudest phone talker ever in the history of phone talkers.

Ohhhhmmmmmmm….

Better.

I’m fading. More gummy bears. NO. I’m still on that 21-day cleanse. Lemon water in the morning is still going strong. Except for those few days last week when got blasted with a nasty flu, which threw me so off course that I ended up at a Starbucks.

And then Josh pushed me so far off the rickety wagon when he brought me a tall soy-no-water tazo chai latte the other day (ENABLER), that I’m still cleaning the sweet-cinnamony puddle I landed in off my pants, which are getting tighter again already.

But it’s OK. I’m writing a blog post right now, and I made it to yoga this morning (and both Betty White and Minden are curled up on my lap…). I only did half of my practice, but that’s all I planned on doing. No backbends, no twists, no deep adjustments. Josh was leaving early for work again this morning, so I needed to take it really easy. Besides, as one of the designers on Project Runway Allstars said in her thick Australian accent last night, “I feel like I’m in a pressure cookah.” I don’t do yoga to chill out, but a chill practice is definitely what I need for the next little while. Especially if my generous, patiently persistent teacher insists I keep getting on the mat no matter what.

After practice, and after racing to get the kids dressed, fed and to school on time, I ran in to the Macrobiotic Centre of Toronto to pick up some of their Floating Ashtangi Juice and breakfast. For lunch I enjoyed one of their delicious rice triangles at my desk. And for dinner, I filled my canned lentil soup (I was too tired to make the real thing) with oodles of napa cabbage and green and purple kale. And so I had some gummy bears. At least you have something to read today, Gorgeouses, so don’t complain. Heh. Even if that something is gibberish (who even knows).

So back to Josh, and then I’m going to bed.

Josh got a new job. He went from being a work-at-home dad to going to the office early in the morning and coming home late in the evening. We have to get a friggin’ DOG WALKER now, and he’s given me full license to scowl at him when he comes home (ENABLER) for the next month or so.

So I’m tired. I am dog tired.

And I’m asking everyone to bear with me as I make this transition — like, if I babble on too much at the schoolyard, if I don’t respond to emails or your precious comments, if I suddenly start to giggle uncontrollably, wear my shirt inside-out to work, write gibberish, obscenely long blog posts, etc., etc..

It’s just that I was just so used to having him home all the time:

“Josh, can you pick up the kids from school? I am SWAMPED at work today!”

“Josh, can you take the Monkey for lunch today? She seemed sad this morning.”

“Josh, can you pick up some rice milk for me, oh, and ‘goji beans’ for the Rascal? I’m not going to make it to the school in time if I stop on the way.”

“Josh, can you take the Rascal to Karate today? I am BEAT.”

There’s none of that anymore, Gorgeouses. I am on my own. And I have an empty box of gummy bears and a gibberish blog post to show for it.

At least there’s a blog post at all. Right? See you soon.

Ohhhmmmmm….

Savasana….

Good night, Gorgeouses!

Love!

xo Haley-O